Jesus Never Dies
by Sassy Ranma
Summary: His story was over, he had saved the shinobi world at the cost of his own life. But a good messiah never dies. He just sleeps before reawakening in a new world to either terrorize or bless it. Ladies and Gentlemen: This is the second coming of NaruJesus.
1. Old Scars Never Heal

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Bleach or Shaman King**

 **Now this one's an interesting idea, if only for the fact it's actually a resurrection of an old concept of mine I wrote way back when I really sucked at writing. Coincidentally, I still had that story on my memory stick and stumbled across it one day when I was looking for something to install GTA's files on so I could run it on my new gaming PC. It just so happens I found my old story "On the Road to Enlightenment." A story about Naruto being taken to the Bleach world as a baby by an OC and Kurama being killed off and becoming an Arrancar, eating cheeseburgers and shit in Hueco Mundo in the present day. Sounds silly, right? I know. lol. Despite the goofiness of that story I felt it had a bit of charm about it. I liked the relations between the characters**

 **Naruto being with Ichigo's sisters and his Kuwabara-like rival being with Orihime who was the Yukina to his Kuwabara and stuff and thought "Fuck it. I'm gonna revamp this shit." Thus Jesus Never Dies was born. I feel this will explain Naruto's rapid growth in power better. One thing I never liked about the original is that I feel I made Naruto too powerful, too quickly without much reason. Now I hope there is a enough of a justified reason for him to grow to godlike power so early on in his development**

 **If you would like to check out Jesus Never Dies in its original conception then you can do in my "Library of Ideas" fic. Note: the fic is just a clusterfuck of discontinued stories and loose ideas I had so go ahead and skip right to the On the Road to Enlightenment "saga". Those series of chapters were titled "Naruto Raised in Bleach."**

 **Story time.**

* * *

This was it.

The end of the line.

The curtain was a drawing to a close on the story of one Naruto Uzumaki with his sacrificial death in the Fourth Great Shinobi War. 'Great' summarized the colossal tide for power immeasurably well. A tremendous war that spanned for nearly a week. The vast amount of stamina, sheer godlike endurance it took to act as the spearhead, the front man as Naruto Uzumaki did for his comrades to work off of him was simply otherworldly, Spirit King's trusty lifelong assistant documented in his reports in regards to Naruto Uzumaki's profile.

Looking over the blond's hero story, Manta couldn't help but feel inspired. Being the little man both literally and figuratively, Naruto's trials and ordeals as an underdog resonated with his spirit like no story he had ever viewed in history books during the time of his lifespan.

"It's just sad that he had to die so young," The little man murmured, sitting behind a desktop chair several sizes too big for his incredibly diminutive frame. He scanned the blond's profile on his laptop on his desk and sighed, "Seventeen. So young. He died way before his time."

He couldn't even acquire a girlfriend and experience all the thrills of young teenage 'love' much less finding authentic love and setting down with that one true woman who'll love him for eternity, and that was truly the most tragic thing about such a young man's early death to Manta.

Naruto may have been considered an adult to the shinobi world, but to the rest of the world and the others out there like Spirit World he was still very much a baby. A baby who never got the chance to see the world before being forced to grow up.

"It doesn't have to be the end for him, y'know?" The voice of his closest friend and ruler of all worlds placidly stated, putting a look of puzzled confusion on his trusted adviser's face.

"Huh?" He glanced up and forward to the double doors of his office which slid open on its own accord, revealing the Spirit King in all his usual insouciant glory, "What do you mean Yoh?"

"What I mean is, it doesn't have to be the end of Naruto's journey?" He grinned.

"Wait. Are you saying you're gonna reincarnate Naruto?" Manta rationalized.

Yoh winked, "Precisely."

Manta settled in his seat with the easy given answer, trying to rationalize Yoh's reasons for planning to transmigrate Naruto throughout history, "I suppose that would be easy with your power now, but why would you want to reincarnate Naruto?"

"Why not?" Yoh questioned back, "For all he's gone through in his childhood and for all he's accomplished in the Fourth Great Shinobi War, he at the very least deserves a second chance at life; a second chance at happiness in my opinion." Manta couldn't really argue with that logic. Reading Naruto's bio from when he was a baby up to his date of death was heartbreaking. No kid should ever have to endure the loneliness Naruto suffered as a young boy.

"Besides that though," Yoh continued, his expression sobering, "I'm getting the premonition the world will need the use of Naruto's power in the future."

Confusion shone in Manta's wide eyes, "Really?"

"Yeah." Yoh assured seriously, gazing at the palm of his hand, "Ever since I merged with the Spirit King and became him I've had the ability to see into the future. I can see dark clouds ahead for the future generation and I think the addition of Naruto to their world will really give them a much-needed edge to come out on top."

"I see." Well that explained his reasons for wanting to reincarnate Naruto but something still stuck out to Manta, "But wait! Wouldn't Naruto just lose his memories and his powers as he gets reborn as a new person anyway?" That was a good question. Just because you were reincarnated didn't mean you kept your memories and all the secrets of your powers it contained of your past life.

"No sweat!" Yoh assured, his cheerful insouciance returning anew, "I'll have Anna transplant his spirit inside a willing volunteer after a millennium. While he won't regain his memories of his past life he will rediscover his strength and power as he matures. Even all the abilities he gained from his fox buddy."

Manta stared at the omniscient ruler of all with all the dry awkwardness of someone who had heard an incredibly bad joke, "So we're basically going to recreate baby Jesus."

"Yep!"

"Why do I get the feeling this is gonna turn out badly?"

"Don't be so negative buddy! You never know. I actually think this could turn out great!"

"…Because you're the god of positivity as well as omnipotence."

* * *

 **Beep. Beep. Beep.**

At the loud sleep-disturbing sound of an alarm clock blaring in a messy room, a hand emerged from under its shelter of sheets to grab the antithesis of sleep, hauling it unforgivingly against wall where it shattered into a myriad of metal pieces.

"Ugh."

A groan of lacklustre annoyance echoed from the sheets.

"Guess I better get up."

Reluctantly, the young teen removed his bed sheets from his short, scrawny frame, revealing shockingly bright blond hair and tired cerulean blue eyes that were better suited on a young American than a Japanese teenager of thirteen years old, but such was just but one of many peculiarities of the transmigrated Naruto Uzumaki.

"Oh man," He sighed, wishing he could salvage another three hours of sleep as he reluctantly pulled his vest clad form off of his mattress and over to his closet where his shattered alarm clock laid, yawning in the process, "Crummy hunk of junk. If you didn't make so much damned noise I wouldn't have to break ya every single morning." He swept the shattered pieces of alarm clock 101 to the side with his foot to pull open his closet door, reaching up on his tiptoes to pull out a box.

From within the confines of the box emerged another alarm clock he set to the appropriate time of awakening and left on his lamp stand.

"I feel like I've done this before." And he wasn't just talking about his usual repetitive act of being awoken by one of his many alarm clocks, only to break it and replace it with his plethora of spares. He was referring to his life in general. It was crazy, but Naruto had always instinctively felt a strange familiarity with the way he went about his daily life.

Pulling perverted pranks on his twin girls, his unholy, loyal love of ramen, his desire to prove himself as the best of the best and even the fact he had been living by himself in a rundown apartment complex since leaving the orphanage when he was ten. It all felt weirdly familiar, as if he had been a perverted, ramen-loving prankster living on his own in a previous life of his.

Even his very name gave him the same sensation of familiarity his very life did.

It was a weird sensation to feel everyday of every waking hour.

"Oh well." He shrugged in his realization that racking his brain for answers as to why he was getting the feeling that he was reliving his life wasn't miraculously going to materialize any anytime soon. With that concluded, he went about his morning routine of downing a bowl of cereal, having a shower, and getting dressed in his decidedly non-school uniform before leaving his apartment with his skateboard tucked underneath his arm.

He hopped straight over the banister of the top floor of his apartment he resided on and landed on the ground floor as soft as the cat trained in the ninja arts, ignoring the general stench of piss and garbage that plagued the hallways of the complex.

He was far too used to the shitty smell permeating in his apartment complex to be really bothered by it anymore.

"Ah!~" That didn't mean he was relieved like all hell when he stepped through the door of the complex to breath in the fresh air of Karakura Town, though, "Best part about actually going to school is that it gets me outta that shithole." And that was saying something, because there was nothing good about attending at the educational institution prison.

Taking off in a run, Naruto jumped, seamlessly sliding his skateboard underneath him. He glided insouciantly through the hordes of traffic, paying no mind to the raging horns of the cars he cruised in between the gaps of to pass or even outright skipped over. Where had he experienced that same level of hostility before? It felt familiar, but much like his life it remained a mystery to him.

He continued gliding at a leisured pace, allowing the gentle breeze picked up from his speed to carry such wondrous thoughts of his life experiences to the furthest reaches of his mind. Occasionally, he glided right on the side of a pavement step to show off for the younger kids being escorted across the street by a lollipop woman before sliding up atop of a mountain-like hill.

He stood high and mighty, gazing down below at the bottom as though he were the king looking at his subjects before placing both feet back onto the surface of his skateboard, tilting his weight in one direction to manipulate his skateboard without the usage of his foot, holding out his arms, "Just take me now if ya can world."

The intense rush of wind billowing heavily in his face from the accelerated speed was an amazing sensation to him. Naruto was a simple guy. He lived for the rush, to feel his heartbeat racing one hundred miles per hour, his anxiety rising and the relieving feel of euphoria his triumph against all the odds evoked in him.

The safe way was just the boring way to him. The real fun came from throwing caution to the wind and putting one's own wellbeing on the line. There was no better way to get the blood pumping.

Naruto slowed his descent when he reached the bottom and the end of his unconventional slide ride, a proud smile on his face at the little things he took joy in. Abruptly, his smiled widened at the sight of the only guy he could relate to leaning coolly up against a wall with his arms crossed, trademark ginger-coloured pompadour.

"Hey, Kuwabara. What's up buddy?"

Kazuma Kuwabara: more commonly known by as Kuwabara by just about anyone not his sister, stood at an impressive height of 171cm tall. It was hard for most adults to believe this young teen was in the same year group as Naruto. With his widowed countenance and tall frame, Kuwabara could've easily passed off as a high schooler. Much like Naruto, he might as well had been wearing no uniform at all. His blazer jacket and trousers were all sea blue instead of the conventional navy blue that most boys in Karakura Junior High wore.

"About time you showed up, Uzumaki," Kuwabara said without so much as an initial greeting, pushing himself off of the wall he made perch at.

That was fine to Naruto. Their relationship had been purely competitive despite the number of years the two boys had known each other, "Boy, you're sure in a hurry," Naruto began to taunt, stepping off his skateboard and flipping it up into his hand, "I'm starting to think you secretly like getting your ass whooped by me."

Kuwabara flushed in anger, "Shut up, Uzumaki! Today's the day, I, Kazuma Kuwabara, the warrior of love and justice, lay your punk-ass out to dry!"

Naruto rolled his eyes with all the familiarity of someone who had heard a line too many times to care, "I thought yesterday was going to be the day you 'finally' handed me my ass," Kuwabara remained inexplicably quiet save for the grunts of frustration he let out, "Or the day before that and the day before that day."

"Shut up! You just got luc-." A hard elbow being driven in between his eyes ended Kuwabara's attempts to save face and knocked him down to the hard-concrete ground below where he was immediately pinned by Naruto, "Gah!"

"Say again sir!" Naruto urged mockingly, laying into Kuwabara's face with a relentless, unforgiving barrage of right and left hooks, "I'm having a little trouble understanding ya."

Kuwabara could do nothing as he was beaten down into submission by as little as ten blows, five on each cheeks. He grunted and twitched spasmodically as Naruto got off of him, studying his subdued frenemy with a sadistic smile.

"Better luck next time bitch!" Naruto taunted, picking up his skateboard from where he dropped it to pummel his quote-unquote rival, "Ah, that was a fun little practise." Granted, it wasn't much of a practise but na, Naruto didn't sweat the decided lack of details, "Better get to school now before I'm late. Don't want Miss Riko or Karin-chan chewing my ear off."

Even with the threat and annoyance of being nagged half to death by his definite-not favourite teacher and definite girlfriend, one of them at least, Naruto took off on insouciant saunter, leaving his battered frenemy wallowing in the familiar sensation of defeat he knew almost as well as his sister.

"Damn you, Uzumaki," He grunted out, slamming a fist before his thoroughly bruised face, "I WILL beat you one day, mark my words!"

He may take him a century to accomplish his decided one true goal in life but as god as his witness he would do the increasing nigh impossible and lay Uzumaki flat on his back. If he was a quitter, then he would have thrown in the towel by the 50th time he had failed to overcome his rival in hand-to-hand combat. And that was only a guess.

Truthfully, Kuwabara had lost count of his losses to Naruto at 20...

But a distinct lack of win rate wouldn't deter him in his mission to knock Uzumaki from his high horse.

XxX

(Elsewhere – Karakura Junior High)

XxX

Yuzu was fretting. The reason? Naruto, the object of her attractions, had yet to arrive to their class. Usually, all students had an extra ten minutes before they were officially due for registration but because they had a nice, lenient homeroom teacher she often gave them another ten minutes before marking them for attendance.

This leniency was mostly for Naruto's sake even if the spiky haired delinquent refused to acknowledge the fact. If only for the fact the special treatment made him look like a teacher's pet. Even though everyone of their classmates knew Miss Riko favoured the delinquent they didn't nearly have the balls big enough to call her out on her favouritism toward Naruto, teasing him in the process.

He wasn't the toughest kid in school for nothing now.

Naruto had quickly established his intolerance to being fucked with back in his first few weeks in Junior High school when some hotshots attempted to taunt him about being a Gaijin – A foreigner inside Japan.

Naruto had immediately turned their faces into something that could only resemble damaged plums without even taking a hit in retaliation, and they were three of the older kids as well.

Since that day no one other than Naruto's frenemy and second toughest kid in Karakura Junior High, Kazuma Kuwabara, had the absolute balls and, in most kids' opinion, stupidity to challenge Naruto.

'I hope Naruto-kun isn't just fighting with Kuwabara-san again,' Yuzu was a girl of a fair-skinned complexion. She had dark brown hair she kept styled in twin pigtails stretching down to the brim of her neck. Like the other girls in her class, she too wore the official school uniform for girls, which consisted of a white sailor fuku with a navy-blue collar that came equipped with a red scarf, a navy-blue skirt and brown shoes on her feet.

"Those two numbskulls are fighting again," Sitting opposite to her desk in between a vacant one, her twin sister, Karin Kurosaki, stated with finality, almost as if she were reading her sister's mind. Despite being twins, the only similarities Karin and Yuzu shared were their fair, light skinned complexion. There was a night and day different between them.

Contrasting Yuzu's brown hair and soft brown eyes of unsullied innocence Karin's hair was black and tied in a loose-fitting ponytail while her eyes remained hardened and cold as if she had grown up well ahead of her years. Currently, she wore a replica of her sister's uniform.

As much as Yuzu wanted to disagree with her sister, she knew she had a point, "Why can't those two just get along and admit they're as close to each other as two brothers can be," She sighed.

Karin shrugged, tucking her arms behind her head, "Cause they're guys, sis," She said as if that line explained their unwillingness to be friendly, "They can't get touch with their feelings and stuff cause it wouldn't be 'manly' to 'em."

Yuzu's eyes softened, "They're such dummies."

"Never said they weren't."

"Alright class, settle down. I'm about to take attendance." It was at that point their teacher sauntered through the door, a placid smile gracing her red-painted lips. Miss Riko was a fair-skinned, bespectacled woman of height average with wavy, chocolate brown hair styled in a ponytail. A fringe of her hair hung in between the dark pools of her eyes.

She sported a baby blue coloured blouse over a shirtless vest top of a darker shade of blue and a white collared dress shirt. A long baby blue skirt that fell to her ankles and white shoes on her feet.

She gave a glance to all her students and sighed, register held underneath her arm, "I take it Mr Uzumaki isn't present and is just hidden among you, correct?" With the exception of the Kurosaki twins, they all shook their heads in the negative, eliciting another sigh from their curvaceous teacher.

Yuzu turned a disappointing frown to the desk in between hers and her sister's, 'Naruto-kun.'

"Okay, let's begin." Miss Riko insisted, taking her place in front of her students in her desktop chair front of her desk and behind the chalkboard, "I'll just have to mark Mr Uzumaki as absence."

No sooner as she said this, did the door reopen, revealing her wayward, blond spiky headed student. She might have been beaming inwardly as Yuzu was outwardly at Naruto's presence if he wasn't wearing his regular street clothes of an orange hoody over a short-sleeved white t shirt, blue baggy jeans and sneakers on his feet.

Why couldn't that boy just wear his uniform like the rest of them?

…Oh right. He didn't have parents.

How could she forget?

Sadly, it wasn't mandatory for students to wear their uniforms and wouldn't be until they reach High School. They could encourage them to the best of their abilities to wear their uniforms, but the decision ultimately fell on them to show up to school dressed in accordance to the school's lenient rules, and since a vast majority of students didn't give a rat's ass in regards to earning their teachers' approval a good portion of them usually showed up in their casual street clothes.

"I'm here," Naruto said casually, hands now folded away in his pockets with his skateboard stashed in his locker. He studied his classmates from where he stood by the door, his grin briefly warming at Yuzu's delighted smile before looking back to his teacher in questioning, "Am I on time?"

Her smile softened, "By my standards."

Naruto grinned nonchalantly, "Sweet." He strode over to his desk, seamlessly giving a feminine boy a high five down low on his way as he did, stopping to greet his girls on either side of his seat, "Hey, Yuzu-chan."

"Hi, Naruto-kun." She beamed.

"S'up Karin-chan?"

"Hey," She returned lackadaisically.

He drew in a silent breath of placid content. Those were his lady friends alright. Day and night. One was soft-spoken but cheerful and the other was brash but laid-back and cool, and he had a little something that satisfied the best of both worlds. Life sure treated him good. You know, just when it wasn't giving him near surreal sensations that his life was just a repeat of an old one some hundred years back, though he was positive there wasn't anything repetitive about his relationship with the Kurosaki twins.

Sometimes it felt as if he had known two girls that were soft-spoken and brash but nothing clicked from being with Yuzu and Karin so he figured this was the legit first time he ever had twin girlfriends.

"'I'll begin registration now. Raise your hand when I call your name."

xXx

Two hours.

As usual, maths had consumed two hours of Naruto's day. Two hours of his life he would never get back and two hours which were right up there with the hours he spent in Geography and English classes as the most boring of his day. Why did he even need to learn English for anyway? He was Japanese. He wasn't like he was ever going to take a trip to America or England. Naruto just didn't see the point.

Gah. He hated classes such as English or Geography. He hated any class that involved doing written work. Naruto was a man of action at heart, which was why Gym was his all-time favourite class. Hunkering down and solving quotations with his head was an utter bore and one Naruto barely had the attention span to keep his attention onto. If Miss Riko had ceased nudging him everytime he attempted to doze off he would've surely done so.

"Remember to finish the assignments I've given you," Miss Riko commented to the kids rushing out of the classroom.

"Naruto-kun," Yuzu stood from her own desk, adjusting her handbag on her shoulder and nudging the blond awake. Fortunately, if a student could finish his/her assignments before the end of class he/she could spend the remaining minutes as he/she pleased. Needlessly to say, Naruto spent his free time sleeping, just because he could never get enough of that.

"Would you like to have lunch with Karin-chan and I?" She asked, her cheeks burning a shade of pink as Naruto aroused himself from his mini nap, stretching out his arms and letting an audible yawn for good measure.

"Na. I'm just gonna have some downtime on the rooftop." Which was code for, "I'm gonna sneak off to the rooftop and indulge myself on adult-related stuff I shouldn't have sneaked into school but did anyway because I like living on the edge of danger."

Yuzu had known Naruto for years, thus knew as well as Karin did, that Naruto only ever treaded off to the rooftop or the bathroom to do one of two things or even both: drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes. She wasn't fond of Naruto drinking and smoking but there was nothing she could've done to persuade him from his bad route of delinquency.

"Ohh, Naruto," Still, that didn't mean she couldn't hold a grudge at him… for a day at maximum. Hour minimum.

Naruto just grinned cheekily at her as Karin nudged her lightly with her elbow, "C'mon Yuzu. Let's leave our 'badboy' to his devices and go chow down," She insisted, still in the same bland tone of voice.

"Catch ya later, babe," Naruto flicked her a two-fingered salute.

"See ya, Naruto," She returned, making her way toward the door, leaving Yuzu sighing in relent as she shifted shyly in front of the blond, "Yuzu-chan?"

She hastily pressed herself against him, causing him to smile softly, "Just promise me you'll eat something while you're up there Naruto."

His whisker-cheeked grin warmed, "You bet." He didn't know why, but he could never break a promise. To anyone. Ever since he could remember he never had it in him to go back on his word, as if sometime in his life he had pledged to himself to fulfil whatever promises he had made even if it killed him.

Yuzu brightened, "That's all I needed to hear!" She said, snuggling into Naruto, prompting the blond to curl his arms around her slender frame. For that moment, the two forgot about the world and settled into the other's embrace, drinking in the other's scent and feel of their skins making contact.

And then, just like that it was over, with Yuzu reluctantly vacating Naruto's embrace, bidding him farewell with a peck on his cheek and a mesmerizing view of her behind and hour glass figure in her departure from their homeroom class.

"Damn, I hate to see that girl leave but I love to watch her go," Naruto chuckled, tucking in his own chair into his desk.

"Naruto Uzumaki. A word please." Miss Riko requested.

"Sure teach," Naruto obliged, sheathing his hands into their holsters that was his pockets before sauntering up to definite-not favourite teacher, "S'up?"

She waited until he was before her before she sat herself at the brim of her desk, her gaze softening, "I'm worried about you."

Naruto made a face as his shoulders slumped as though a weight were placed on them, "Aw man. Look, if this is about me almost coming late, that gu-."

"It's not about that Mr Uzumaki," She cut in before he could go off on one, reaching forward to pat him comfortingly on his shoulder, "How are you? Are you okay for money?" Naruto was the only one of her students who lived entirely by himself.

"Fine," Naruto grouched, "The money I get from the social takes care of my bills, grocery and all that and I usually just run odd jobs for folks to get a little extra for ramen." That and he had a habit to pickpocket any unsuspecting adults his shoulder collided against, but she didn't need to know that.

The relief that shone in her eyes at the reassurance of his finance touched him a little, "That's good," She stated softly, "You know I'm always here for you if you ever find yourself in a pinch."

"Yeah, I know," Naruto snickered mischievously, his cheeky smile returning, "Thanks, teach." It was nice to know he could at least count on one of the teachers to lend him a hand, even if his pride would never allow him to take said hand. Just that hand being there and available was enough to put his mind at ease. Loneliness was a terrible and an unbearable concept. The whisker-cheeked teenager felt he had frequented it long enough to know he never wanted to pay it a visit again.

It was just too bad she had to ruin the moment with her next line, "You really need to stop fighting with Mr Kuwabara."

She couldn't stifle the giggle that erupted from her throat at her student throwing his arms up in his annoyance, "And there it is."

"You're always fighting with him, though," She said, playfully tapping him on his nose much to his chagrin, "It's taking a strain on your punctuality as well as his."

"It's not even my fault though," Naruto insisted, "He starts it! He always does! He has it coming."

She rolled her eyes with all the experience of a veteran who had dealt with Naruto's kind of teen before. In truth, she had. Kids like Naruto and Kuwabara were too prideful and stubborn to admit they were in the wrong, like they would be surrendering to the other's superiority in doing so if they did. They just didn't have the maturity to see such things like male dominance was irrelevant and a waste of time.

"And you could be the bigger man and walk away," She retorted.

This time it was Naruto's turn to roll his eyes. Typical teachers. Like they would ever understand.

"Fine. Whatever, I can go now?" Naruto requested impatiently.

She pitied his impatience with a shake of the head and a smile, "Sure." As he pivoted on his heel and reached forward to the handle of the classroom door, she felt the need to remind him of the significance of attending his next class on time, "You have History class next after lunch with Mr Shun. Please try to show up on time. You know how he can be."

Mr Shun: better known as simply Mr S by the clear majority of his students and Doctor Scar by Naruto and Kuwabara, was a cold and cruel man. Many wondered why he took up the occupation of a teacher or how he was even still employed. He had little to no patience for slackers or failures. The former of course was Naruto, which in return made the delinquent boy the dubbed psycho teacher's greatest adversary.

When it came to initiating physical punishment of any misbehaving student Mr S was more happy-trigger than a teacher beating a student into submission had a right to be. In fact, one might say inflicting pain onto another actually gave him tremendous pleasure.

"Doctor Scar…" Naruto seethed, and unbeknownst to him, his eyes shifted to a shade of deep scarlet red from the intensity of the anger flowing within him as he subconsciously tightened his grip on the door handle to the degree it could be heard.

"Naruto."

"No promises!" Naruto stormed out of class before she could attempt to comfort him, ignoring the usage of his birth name.

"Naruto!" She screamed before she relented, "That boy," She slowly pried her concern-filled gaze away from the exit her ill-tempered student had angrily stormed out off and to her lap, "He's going to get himself kicked out of school if he doesn't learn to behave himself."

XXx

"Man, fuck Doctor Scar!" Naruto murmured harshly, budging over any kid unfortunate enough to collide shoulders with him on his route to his locker. Most had the common sense to steer well clear of the bad-tempered hotshot, making two rows of crowded students for him to march through as if he was the president. They knew to steer clear from Naruto on his best day much less when he was such a bad mood as he was then.

"I might just skip class intentionally and kick his ass," Naruto grumbled, stopping by his locker and twisting in the coordinates. The clicking sound that symbolized the turning of the dial of his locker also embodied the idea he got, "Now there's an idea!~ Yeah, I think I'll do that." A savage smirk crossed his face as he pulled out a bottle of sake and a box of cigarettes from his locker, "I'm gonna bait that fucker good."

He slammed his locker shut with a resounding bang, sauntering to his designated resting spot while laughing his head off, not caring if any kid saw his alcohol or his cigarettes. Fortunately, if there was one thing no student would ever do that would result in serious repercussions for another, it was snitching. Ratting someone out was considered to be the lowest move any student in Junior High could make.

Besides that no one would have the balls to snitch on a kid capable of soloing a gang of older kids from Karakura High school without even getting a scratch on him.

Jesus Never Dies

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 **ONE**

Old Scars Never Heal

(Cafeteria – With Karin and Yuzu)

Yuzu's mind was currently on their wayward maybe, somewhat boyfriend. Oh, who was she kidding? The whole school knew they loved each other. Naruto spent about seventy percent of his day with the Kurosaki twins, using the remaining thirty percent to play video games with Kuwabara to see who could outscore the other or even laying the taller boy down for count like he usually did.

"Worrying about Naruto isn't gonna magically make him appear, sis," Karin stated, reading along the lines of her sister's thoughts as she took a bite out of her sandwich.

"I know," Yuzu admitted with a longing sigh, digging into her own lunch, "I just wish Naruto-kun could join us more for lunch, though."

"I don't." Her twin asserted, "This is the only time of the day we're free from that knucklehead lifting up our skirts."

Despite disliking Naruto's perverted antics for them, Yuzu hid a little mischievous smile, "Kind of a good thing we haven't introduced Naruto-kun to onii-chan yet, huh Karin-chan?"

"No kidding," She replied dryly, "I can already see how that would go. Ichi-nii would try to play the brother card on Naruto and Naruto would kick his ass."

"You really think Naruto-kun is stronger than Ichi-nii?" She figured the two would come to blows if they ever met, especially if Naruto groped Ichigo's sisters in his view. One didn't need precognition to know Naruto Uzumaki and Ichigo Kurosaki would not hit it off. They were so alike but in all the wrong ways, being two hotheaded idiots of the same pond.

She was just thrown off to hear her sister so casually state Naruto's victory, like the matter wasn't even worth discussing. Ichigo was seventeen after all while Naruto was only thirteen. He had a four-year age and height advantage over Naruto.

…But considering the fact Naruto had toppled fully men triple his size and much older than Ichigo and occasionally got into fights with their crazy teacher and came out on top, Yuzu could see where her sister was coming from.

Oh boy, when rationalized like that Yuzu felt a bit naïve for thinking of anything less than a straightforward Naruto victory in a Naruto vs Ichigo versus match up. And from her sister's finest deadpanned stare it seemed the answer was too straightforward to even need to be answered vocally.

"Do you even need to ask?"

Duly noted.

"Hehe. Guess not."

xXx

Within an hour lunch break was over and second period was officially under way. As Karin and Yuzu made it to their History class, they spotted the only acquaintance Naruto could actually call a friend even if the two stubborn boys didn't want to admit to such sitting at his desk, hands folded together in what he liked to refer as his 'thinking pose.'

"Hi, Kuwabara-san." Yuzu said brightly in greeting, ambling over to the delinquent stuck in the 80s. Their desks was right behind his so it wasn't like they were going out their way to interact with him, "Do you know where Naruto-kun is?"

Kuwabara looked disgusted by her innocent assumption of him knowing Naruto's whereabouts, "What? Hell no! Why would I know where that blond clown is? I ain't his keeper."

"You're his best friend," Karin deadpanned.

"W-What?" Kuwabara stuttered, "Get real! We ain't friends! We're rivals! There's a difference!"

"Rivals, friends. Same thing to me."

"Well it isn't!" Kuwabara grumped, crossing his arms and turning away from the girls of his definite-not friend.

Yuzu let out a sigh at Kuwabara's similar unwillingness to admit his solidarity with Naruto before strolling past him with her sister to their desks behind him. Naturally, they sat on either side of a middle desk destined for their beloved; a desk Yuzu stared longingly at as if it would suddenly make Naruto materialize from thin air.

'Why can't you just attend class, Naruto-kun?' She mused to herself rhetorically.

She knew that wasn't going to happen, though, especially considering who their teacher was for this particular period. Nobody liked Mr S and Mr S liked nobody, but he held the strongest disdain for the blond spiky headed delinquent, and the blond knew it. Naruto often purposely got himself into trouble so Mr S would come hunting for his ass and he could lay him out in return.

Students usually weren't allowed to strike back at a teacher dealing out punishment but that hadn't stopped Naruto. Mr S had always been too prideful to ever disclose his losses to Naruto to the headmaster, even if it was just the thing he needed to be rid of Naruto.

The door to their class cracked open submerging them in the familiar chilling sensation they knew as their dispassionate teacher's cold presence, giving entrance to the bald-headed man himself. The instant he had stepped through the door, the volume of innocent chit-chat and playful gossip quietened as the students gathered in their seats as if they were assembling for their sergeant in cadets.

Much like his nickname given to him by his most hated enemy to date would suggest Mr S did indeed possess a scar trailing up from his cheekbone down to the brim of his jawline.

He observed his students with one impassive glance to see the opportunity his arch-nemesis had presented him, "I see Naruto Uzumaki hasn't made attendance."

"If you give him five minutes I'm sure he'll show up!" Yuzu tried, but it was already too late. The gleam of a petty opportunist had already briefly shone in the hate-filled dark eyes of the deranged teacher.

"No," He said with a shake of the head, staring off in the distance, 'He is baiting me.' The sad part was, it was a bait he was going to take. After all, this time he had contingency plans in place in order to deal out the punishment the most trouble-making kid in school had been begging for, 'This time, Uzumaki…' He pledged, rolling his shoulders to knock his black coloured blazer jacket from them, removing it from his lean-built frame to begin methodically unbuttoning the sleeves of his white dress shirt, 'I will give you the discipline you rightfully deserve."

"Here we go again," Karin stated in a bored manner, getting urged to shush by her sister, which she ignored.

Mr S paid her a menacing glance in an effort to intimidate her, but otherwise made no move to exact retribution for her remark. It was unfortunate, but he could no such thing against students talking sass, "Take out your textbooks and turn to page fifteen. Continue where we left off last session." He could barely contain his excitement as a malevolent smirk appeared across his lips, "I have to step out for just a moment."

With that instructed, he vacated the perimeters of the classroom in a flash, leaving his remaining students sighing in the familiarity that they had seen this scenario play out one too many times before.

xXx

(Rooftop)

xXx

Naruto felt relaxed and slightly lightheaded laying on his back, his bottle sake tilted over next to him emptied of its contents and four cigarette butts next to it. There was no other way to go into a fight other than being drunk off your ass in his opinion.

"Feels good man," Naruto stated dopily, his smile hardening at the violent sound of the rooftop door being slammed open, "Hey, Doctor Scar. About time you got here."

The huge shadow of his adversary loomed over his relaxed posture, "Naruto Uzumaki," Mr S started smoothly, eyeing his hated enemy and the frowned-upon substances around him in disdain, "You failed to make attendance in class. Furthermore, you have not only brought in alcohol and cigarettes in school, you consumed them by the looks of it. You do realize the act of smoking and drinking alcohol is not only prohibited on school grounds it's also illegal to anyone under the age of twenty-one?" He chuckled darkly, "I do believe punishment is due."

"Oh?" Naruto feigned surprise, "You actually think you can defeat me?"

Mr S' sinister laugh lengthened and deepened in despite of the teen openly snubbing him off as his lesser, "That arrogance of yours will officially be your downfall today, Uzumaki. Not to reveal my hand, but you could say I've come prepared for this moment. You. Will. Fall."

"Heh, we'll see about that," Assured with confidence, Naruto flipped up to his feet, pivoting seamlessly on his heel and striking his enemy directly in his abdomen with an audible crunch.

…Only for Mr S to not even so much as flinch.

Now, considering Naruto's punches were strong enough to dent metal and shatter glass like dirt and never failed before now to heavily wound the bald-headed fighter, the very fact that Mr S could now tank one of his quote-unquote super punches was shocking to say the least.

"What the fuck?" If anything, that punch had hurt Naruto more than that it did Mr S, even just a little. He could've sworn he hit a solid surface instead of flesh and heard the nasty collision of steel being crushed under the force of his punch.

"I told you," Mr S chuckled, lifting up his shirt and allowing Naruto to get a glimpse of a fist-dented steel plate that rested around his abdomen, "That this time I have covered my bases covered, Uzumaki."

"Aw, a steel plate for protection? You bitch." Naruto taunted, "What happened to all that pride of yours, _Mr S_?"

"There are times when swallowing one's pride is a necessity to do what is a must," Mr S countered smoothly.

But Naruto wasn't buying any of that, "You're so full of shit." This time he struck high, striking his adversary in his upper chest only to get the same result. A resounding clang and a smug Mr S. Only time his fist wasn't nearly as strung as the first time he hit his stomach plate since this time he was expecting it and packed more bite in his punch.

"More condom protectors? Dayum! You're just covered in those things! What a little bitch!" Naruto quipped braggingly.

"Humph. If you were half as smart as your mouth is you probably would've passed my class by now and with flying colours," Mr S quipped.

There would have been no better time for a crowd of African Americans to exhale in cheerful shocked acknowledgement of the worthy comeback line. Even Naruto just had to take a second to applause Mr S' one-liner.

"Oooooh! Okay, I'll give ya that one," Naruto snickered sassily.

Mr S chose to not even dignity Naruto's verification of his quip with a response. Instead, he struck low due to the vast difference in height leading with his fist aimed toward that smug whiskered face he despised so much, prompting Naruto to spring up much higher than any ordinary human let alone a school kid had a right to soar, flipping acrobatically through the air before instinctively landing on all fours in a emulation of a toad.

"Freak of nature," Mr S muttered underneath his breath.

Naruto spring boarded toward him, bringing his foot around in an unconventional flying kick to take his enemy's head off, only for said enemy to drop the shoulder and roll expertly behind him. He lunged down low again, taking aim at the blond crown, though in a beautiful display of advanced martial arts and athleticism Naruto ducked, flipping onto his hands in a handstand and actually managing to block his punch with the sole of his foot.

Mr S grimaced down in frustration at Naruto's inhuman reflexes and ingenuity to counter an initial counter to his strike that had left him entirely vulnerable, "Freak…" Right before he was put on the backfoot from Naruto's relentless barrage of inverted kicks from his hand stand position, right against his steel plate armour, ploughing through it as though it were made out of paper.

He knew the boy could hit hard having faced him many times in the past and fallen before but this – damaging him through his armour of steel – was beyond otherworldly. Each kick packed the force of an elephant and staggered him for all he was worth, forcing him into a violet coughing fit.

"D-Damn!" He choked out, looking for any way out of the bombardment on his armoured midriff that forced him to backpedal against his will, 'He's some kind of monster.' Whether fate was taking pity on his tormented soul or just wanted him to suffer more would forever remain a mystery as his foot collided with Naruto's empty sake bottle in its backward press against the teen's unrelenting push, causing him to lose balance and plummet to the ground below, 'No.'

He was right to feel dismay in despite of the lucky respite of the punishing assault of feet. He was still left in a vulnerable spot Naruto pounced at like a soaring frog. Literally. He flipped back on all fours, springing with all his limbs to soar skyward. Gravity simply had no influence on him as he took to heights giving him a glorious bird-eye view of his hometown, though he largely ignored the scenic sight of Karakura Town to swarm down on his prey like a deadly hawk.

Mr S' eyes widened at the speed of which his adversary was travelling at before rolling to the side, narrowly avoiding the fist from the apparent heavens that cracked the concrete rooftop like butter, though the pressure alone from the attack rattled Mr S.

"Just. What. The. Hell. Are. You?" He growled, phrasing each word of his question as though it would enhance his perplexity of the inhuman boy before him as he rose to his feet. No human should ever possess the raw strength needed to punch through steel and shatter concrete like so much fine China. It just wasn't right or logical for that matter.

Instead of answering right away Naruto leaped up to his feet and reared his fist back, lunging forward in the same fluent motion Mr S was powerless to counter, his fist making explosive contact with Mr S' armoured ribs. Steel and bones shattered into pieces from the pressure of a freight train.

"Someone you don't wanna piss off," Naruto answered coolly, watching his doubled over arch-nemesis hack up blood from his mouth which spattered to the ground with a sickening splotch in sadistic delight, "Feeling barfy?"

"Shut up!" In a fit of desperation and rage Mr S brought his fist down on the blond's skull with all the intensity of a boulder falling from an absurd high, causing the odd raw collision of two solid objects reverberating through the distant air as if it were iron meeting iron instead of flesh and flesh.

And yet, Naruto remained unfazed. Not even a flinch. That was the least Mr S could have hoped for in this predicament and he didn't even get that.

'That should've knocked him into disorientation!' Considering what he was wearing on each of his fists, dazing Naruto shouldn't have been nearly as far from the realm of possibilities as it was now, and judging by his all-knowing smirk it seemed he had clocked on to Mr S' hidden gadgets.

He immediately trapped Mr S by the wrist in a vice lock grip, filling the bald-headed man's eyes with horror, 'Oh no!'

"I knew it," Naruto assured, pulling off Mr S' black glove to reveal one set of his brass knuckles, "You're wearing brass knuckles. Haha! Boy, you really ARE going full tryhard to beat me! It's hilarious! Well, sad in your case but funny as fuck in mine."

"You…" Mr S stammered helplessly, on the verge of defeat.

"Yeah, I know, I'm legit." Neither advancing nor retreating Naruto performed a one-eighty on the spot, driving his forearm into Mr S' chin, rolling with the momentum to deliver a lethal high kick that carried his nemesis off of his feet and through the air, before gravity brought his nigh broken body to the unforgiving concrete flooring with a painful thud.

"Gah!"

"Ohh!~ And with a one-two hit combo Doctor Sissy goes down!" Naruto announced grandly as though he were an announcer, sheathing his hands and sauntering toward his fallen prey.

"Damn it!" He gasped out, his voice sounding hoarse as his body tried to circulate oxygen through his battered and broken ribs. Each breath he involuntarily sucked in felt like an agonizing stab to his chest; a stab that symbolized the dagger going through his already frosty heart. No defeat to Uzumaki had ever felt this… mentally devastating and outright heart-breaking, because he had never tried as hard as he did to overcome the boy.

Before now, he had been vaguely aware of Naruto's super strength but always assumed it was the above average human strength. That was why he swallowed his pride in resorting to the underhanded tactics of armouring and equipping himself up in steel plates and brass knuckles respectively, to give himself a much-needed edge against the freakishly strong Junior High schooler.

Never in his wildest dreams would he have ever imagined he possessed the strength to punch through steel like it was made out of paper.

"What… is this creature?" He grunted, clenching hard pebbles in between his brass knuckles clad fingers bitterly.

The quiet, almost inaudible approaching footsteps of the boy- no, _monster_ might as well had been animistic paw prints of a hungry tiger stalking its prey for all the raw fear it evoked in him.

His breath hitched, "No…" When he raised his head to find the silhouette of his nemesis methodically closing him down like he had all the time in the world judging him with those strikingly cold cerulean eyes that shone on his shadow he realized, for the first time, that he well and truly feared Naruto Uzumaki. Before, he had viewed him as an obstacle. A _great_ obstacle he had to humble with his own two hands, but an obstacle nonetheless.

How wrong he was.

And devil himself in humanoid form would reap the consequences upon him.

"Stay back!"

That didn't mean he was just going to accept judgement without trying to plead his case first though.

Naruto bulked in his sudden surprise at hearing the genuine plead for mercy and bona-fide fear in his arch-nemesis' voice and face. Out of all the adults he had beaten down into submission for essentially looking at him wrong Doctor Scar was the only one to maintain his tenacity and will to overcome him so the fact that he had finally broken him down came as a welcomed shock to Naruto as he smirked malevolently.

"Well, well, well," He resumed his casual stride forward to his decidedly humbled teacher, laughing every so often as he did while Mr S backed away from every step he took onward, "Lookie what we have here, the high and mighty, all imposing 'scary' Doctor Scar trembling like a little sacredly cat!" He sniggered, "This is rich!"

"Stay back!" He batted his arms defensively before him before scrambling for any material object he could utilize as a defensive weapon to fend off Naruto's oppression.

"Aw, but teach," Naruto mocked, "I'm just a 'little boy.' There's no way a 'little boy' could hurt a fully grown adult like you, right?"

"You're not a boy!" He rectified hastily, successfully giving Naruto the pause he needed to catch him by off guard with his clarification, "You're a monster!"

You're a monster.

 _You're a monster._

Those words, that one simple statement made out of pure spite, drove deep into Naruto's very essence, touching, burning old scars thought to have been buried throughout history. A psychological effect was triggered. His eyes swirled, losing their rambunctious blue to appear as all white blank irises. For a small, brief moment he saw a younger version of himself in a setting that was both familiar yet not unfamiliar, crying in front of a mob of gathered civilians all ridiculing him mercilessly before the scene switched to one he was infinitely more familiar with and one he could say with certainty still tortured him to this very day.

Because getting called a monster by the woman who'd given birth to you would leave a deep mental scar on just about anyone.

"You're wrong…" He trembled, taking in deep, staggering breaths while clenching his fists tightly.

"Ahh!" Unfortunately, Naruto's nigh nervous breakdown had presented his arch nemesis with the perfect opportunity to attack him and it was an opportunity he desperately gobbled up, shattering Naruto's own sake bottle atop his head, "Huff, huff. Just die you abomination." He panted, eyeing the blood-soaked crown of his hated enemy with a measure of deep satisfaction. Said satisfaction turned to caution when his wrist was grabbed, "No."

"Take it back." Naruto demanded threateningly, the bangs of his spiky mane shadowing his eyes.

"Huh?"

The tightening of Naruto's grip was audible enough to be heard in the tense air, causing Mr S to close his eyes, "Take it back!" He roared, "I'm not a monster!"

"Are you shitting me?!" Despite his fear of the inhumanly powerful kid who could snap his arm like a twig, Mr S still defied him. That took balls if one were to ask Naruto, "Just look at yourself, brat! You're pulling off stunts no humans could ever in a lifetime hope to perform! You're definitely in no way shape or form a human!"

The solid grip on his arm tightened further, causing the sickening sound of shattering bones to reverberate throughout the air, "Ahhh!"

"Ahhh!" With an anguish cry of rage, Naruto reared his fist back, letting it fly and hammering Mr S with all the force of a pent-up gorilla, sending him gouging through the very concrete ground itself before coming to an agonizing halt against the wall of the rooftop door, "Damn it!" Naruto murmured harshly, dropping to his knees. As much as he tried to deny it he knew Mr S was right in regards to his abnormality. He was the furthest thing from normality as one could get.

Able to pull off stunts and achieve heights no human had a right to achieve just based on their own natural limitations as humans. And the most unearthly part about Naruto's inhuman feats was that it all came as natural as breathing to him, as if he were a cyborg built for the sole reason of being an unstoppable overpowered machine. As he grew older his strength also grew immeasurably, distancing him from the other kids in his age group who just couldn't relate to him, leaving him to wallow in the surreal familiarity that was loneliness.

"Who… or what am I?"

* * *

 **That will be it for the prologue. I hope you guys enjoyed and yes, we are at the START of Bleach but the Kurosaki siblings are at their timeskip ages. Overall, I felt eleven would have been too young for a relationship and just hit the fast forward button. Bye for now.**


	2. Stand Proud

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Bleach**

* * *

 _Sorry, Naru-chan… You're a monster._

Who would've thought one line; one simple statement made out of pure spite and fear could hold so much influence and unlocking power? Not Naruto. Until today, he never would've imagined any taunt could've resurfaced old scars assumed to be healed via many years of psychological therapy and genuine happy moments throughout his earlier adolescence and when they re-emerged, they burned.

Hard, painfully reminding him that they weren't ever 'healed', they were just repressed.

He rushed out of school in a manner befitting of the inhuman creature he was labelled as, by soaring over the rooftop fence of a four-story building, casually breaking his fall like a delicate figure skater like he so often did when he jumped from absurd heights no _normal_ human could survive. Of course Naruto knew he was the furthest possible thing from normality as one could get.

He ran far and wide, bizarrely outpacing cars like a flash of lightning.

He didn't know exactly where he would end up, but he had an idea. After all, there was only one location and one particular object Naruto always himself at to wallow in his despair, as if the lone seat beside his epitomized his loneliness. As such, he didn't even so much as roll his eyes as he found himself at a park near his neighbourhood, seating himself at his usual miserable perch. Not that he could be sarcastic even if he wanted to be.

When he was feeling down all he wanted to do was stare off into nothing with all the impassivity of a statue.

It was an ironic when he considered the swing he rested miserably on. Swings were meant to epitomize joy, excitement and comradery, which was why they were typically two beside each other so a pair of kids could folic together in their blissful friendship.

This concept couldn't have been further from the truth in Naruto's case if it tried.

It represented his loneliness, his sadness and his detachment from those around him. The lone swing swaying back and forth in a light non-existent breeze portrayed this all too well.

"There you are."

He didn't even glance up to meet the warm gaze of amusement of one of his beloveds as his vision was filled with the white and green shirt and skirt of her, "Hey, Karin." He mumbled, eyes glumly rolling down the creamy legs of the strong-willed twin before reaching the ground, saddening further, "How'd ya know I would be here?"

"Oh please," Karin dismissed with a wave of her hand, "You always camp out here on that exact swing whenever you're in a funk Naruto."

It eased him. Just knowing his love ones found him predictable enough to track him down without too much effort on their part. It represented their own recognition of him and attachment to him, which in return meant he wasn't alone in that all-encompassing void of pitch-black nothing staring into a reflection of his own hateful eyes.

A small smile graced his lips, "Yeah, I guess I do."

Karin lightly rolled her eyes before stating in a voice that left no room for argument, "Of course." She filled the space beside her shared beloved in the familiar insouciance he usually exuded, "So what's up? Got told by Miss Riko you high tailed it outta school after your fight with you-know-who?"

Even just subtly mentioning his arch nemesis without actually bringing up his name caused the delinquent boy to internally curl in on himself, "About that…" He balked.

She looked at him with the borrowed patience of her sister, "Yeah?" Both hands went beside her things on her seat as she slid down in a relaxed position, "You kicked his ass as usual, right?"

A subtle clench of his fist did not go unnoticed by her, "Yeah…" He murmured, gritting his teeth.

"Then what's up?" She pushed, peering under his frustrated gaze shadowed by the bangs of his hair with curious orbs, "Did he say something to piss you off?" Annoyance flooded her gaze as she shook her head, "This isn't like you, Naruto? You're a lot of things. A perv, a glutton, an idiot but you are not a sissy!"

"It's all a front." Naruto mumbled in refusal of Karin's nigh emotional persistence of him being a wall of impenetrable fortitude.

Karin's gaze softened, "Is that really such a bad thing?" He finally took his eyes off of the floor with surprised interest, "Fronting that is. Is it really so bad?"

"Well, yeah," He shrugged, uncertain, "You're putting on a fake persona to fool others into believing you're someone you're not."

A delicate eyebrow was raised his way, "Do you?"

"No-No-No!" He hurried, flailing his hands about, his whiskered cheeks lighting up with an awkward blush, "I just meant…"

Karin gave him a reminiscent smirk of someone who had seen their companion's behaviour and problems in another close to them, "Yeah, I know what you mean," She assured him, "You don't wanna get in touch with your feelings so you front to protect yourself from your insecurities, am I right?"

She was. Naruto was so caught off guard at how pinpoint nail on the head accurate Karin's assessment of him was he could do little more but stare in wonder at her. He never spoke about his feelings much, partly for the reasons Karin listed but mainly because he was a manly-man at heart and getting in touch with his feelings weirded him out. He always casually maintained a tough exterior and a kind interior for his girls to feel secure around him.

All he could do for the first-time since ditching school was smile bashfully at how easy Karin figured him out, "Wow, Karin-chan. You're reading me like a book babe."

Karin shrugged, "Wasn't hard really, especially when you're just like my big brother."

Ichigo Kurosaki: Older brother of his twin girlfriends. Yuzu occasionally told him about their older brother, but Naruto never had a fuck or a damn to give about anything involving Ichigo. So whenever the topic comes up he just pretends to listen while not actually listening. As far as he was concerned Ichigo was just an obstacle he would have to more than likely bulldoze out of the way on his path to Yuzu and Karin's skirts.

"Oh, yeah, that guy," He folded his arms behind his head in his feigned interest, "How is he?"

"Fine." As in Ichi-nii was Ichi-nii. Nothing more to mention after that.

He chuckled again, "I'm surprised you two haven't introduced us yet If we're so alike."

"We will when we believe you two won't try to tear into each other the moment you meet."

"What?" He faked a cringe, "Aw, Karin-chan! I'm hurt. How could my baby girls ever think I would lay out their big bro?"

Karin's flat stare showed no signs of collapsing under Naruto's mocking display of hurt to her supposed distrust to his behaviour, "Because you're both a pair of hotheaded knuckleheads," She answered bluntly.

He kept up his facade, "Noooo," Only to drop it under the intensity of Karin's deadpan gaze, "Alright, maybe I've got a little temper." That girl had one impressive poker face, so much so Naruto would even go as far as to say he would be hesitant to try his luck against her in a game of cards, which said something because his luck had always been nigh omnipotent.

"A little, huh?" She raised an eyebrow, but her boyfriend only increased his sheepish smile, "Yeah, sure," With a smirk Karin scooted her swing right beside Naruto's, resting her head on his shoulder as his smile warmed at her, "But that's why I like ya, knucklehead."

"Hm? Naruto wondered blankly, "Whaddya mean?"

"You're a hardass who doesn't take shit from anyone," She answered plainly, stroking his ego, "I admire that about you. You know that you're basically the superman of our town and you're not afraid of flaunting that despite what people may think of you. That's what I like about you." Because Karin wouldn't be interested in any sissy too scare of his own power and insecure of how others would view him for it.

And at the same time, "You're kind to anyone who deserves kindness. That's why Yuzu-chan likes ya, and we don't mind sharing you. We never have." Maybe it was because they were twins who had played innocent romance games with the boy since they were all young, but Karin and Yuzu had never possessed any qualms in sharing a boyfriend, "You're our knucklehead, Naruto."

His breath was taken away. Knowing he had a little something to satisfy the best of both worlds in the twins was one thing to boost his ego, but hearing that he did in such a genuine manner from one of his girls was truly breathtaking. For a few moments, he just stared in wonder and admiration at the girl on his shoulder before falling back to his usual joking demeanour.

"Hehe. So I'm basically a wild tiger on the outside and a teddy bear on the inside," He chuckled.

Karin smirked, "Just consider yourself lucky we're twins who've shared everything since we were born." Because not many girls would be nearly as willing as Karin and Yuzu were to share any man between them, were the unspoken implications Naruto noted, "How's that?" She nudged him playfully, "Feeling better yet?"

"I do," Naruto confirmed softly, tightening his embrace on her, "It's good to know I can always count on my girls to pull me outta my funk."

"One of us have to be there to kick your pig-headed ass back into gear."

"Karin-chan!~" She slid her tongue through her teeth to Naruto's playful whine, prompting him to widen his grin, "Did ya have to ruin the moment?"

"You didn't expect me to be this lovey-dovey lame all night did ya?" She quipped.

The superhuman's grin softened, "Na, of course not." That was why he loved her after all because she was the tigress to Yuzu's kitten, "Just figured we coulda gotten an hour out of this, y'know?"

"Serves you right for expecting that then."

He chuckled, "Yeah, I guess." In despite of the playful insistence of Karin's distaste of lovey-dovey stuff the two settled into a peaceful silence, content to remain in the other embrace until the sun fully set and a full moon took its place. The brilliant silver luminescence shone down on their cuddled forms as the two stared up at the myriad of stars with warm gazes of hopeful optimism for their future.

Only the sound of breaks and the emittion of fumes broke the two from their trance, prompting them to bring their gazes down from the night sky to a red jeep parked just outside of the park; a bearded smiling face poking itself out of the window.

"Looks like that's my ride," Karin said with a shake of her head and an air of disappointment about her. Reluctantly, she squirmed out of Naruto's hold, much to his displeasure, "I gotta go now, Naruto," She pecked him on his whiskered cheek before standing, "Give us a call tomorrow if you're not doing anything."

Confusion shone on his whiskered face, "Tomorrow?" He was under the impression they would be forced to attend another day at the educational facility known as school.

Karin deadpanned, "It's Saturday."

He inhaled a breath of relieved recognition. No school? Score, "Oh," He lifted his eyebrow before shrugging just as quick, "Huh? So it's Friday today. Didn't even realize." He stated nonchalantly.

"You idiot." She said with a hint of affection, warming Naruto's smile as he contently watched her walk away with a wave over her shoulder, "See ya later, Naruto!"

"Catch ya later, babe," He returned, enjoying the view of her ass and hips swaying in the motion the same way he ravished watching Yuzu go, "Damn, I hate to see one of my girls leave but I love watching them go," He chuckled.

Not a moment too soon after Karin had disappeared into the realm of the jeep did the bearded man emerge, sauntering up to Naruto with the same wide, friendly smile plastered on his face.

"Old man Isshin?"

Isshin Kurosaki: A man of towering and a muscular structure; features he had clearly passed on to his eldest son, possessed the same black hair his strong-willed daughter had inherited from him styled in a spiky flattop. He wore an orange collared shirt tucked into his black trousers and a pair of black shoes.

Naruto knew him from the times he would drop his daughters off at the play scheme centre his orphanage sent him too regularly so he could mingle with children outside of the homeless shelter for kids. Naruto liked him. He was a friendly guy even if he could get a bit eccentric.

"Hey, Naruto!" Isshin greeted happily.

Naruto sheathed his hands into his pockets, slouching in his seat, "Hey, old man. S'up?" He looked at him suspiciously, "You ain't come to gimme that "talk" about treating your daughters right or something, right?"

"No-No. That ain't for another five years!" He joked, promptly causing Naruto to guffaw as he threw his head back.

"Alright, I feel ya," That was why he liked Isshin. The older gentlemen never failed to loosen him up regardless of how pissed off Naruto was. They got along like two joking peas from the same pond. He always assumed he would be as buddy-buddy with his girls' brother as he was with their father, but if what Karin had told him was accurate he highly doubted they would hit off, "So what did ya need, man?"

"Yuzu-chan told me about your little run-in with your teacher," Isshin answered, previous amusement scarce from his visage.

"Yeah, well," He shifted on his seat a bit awkwardly, "That asshole had it coming."

"I'm sure," He said sarcastically, shaking his head as he reached into his shirt pocket, "Listen, Naruto. I'm not here to give ya a lecture about whether you should or shouldn't have handed him his ass six-ways to Sunday." Interest flashed in Naruto's strikingly cerulean eyes as he watched the middle-aged man pull out a sheet of paper, handling it out to him, "Go to this address."

"Okay," He shrugged, accepting the paper blankly, "Why?"

"About your super strength," He almost flinched at the nonchalance of which Isshin had brought up his inhumane status, "I know a fellow who runs a small little business. He can help you, Naruto. Trust me. Go to him. He won't judge you. He deals with all kinds of supernatural, so he's pretty open-minded."

Naruto didn't have an opinion on an apparent business man operating on the supernatural but he figured he couldn't possibly get anymore crazy than him outrunning cars casually so he shrugged, "Alright, I'll pass by tomorrow. I ain't doing shit anyway."

Isshin brightened, "Awesome!" He patted him hard on his shoulder, smirking when he didn't even feel so much as a flinch despite the intensity in his friendly shoulder clap, "Glad to hear it. Listen, after you're done swing by! I'm sure my girls would love to see their fella! Hell, about time you met their older brother anyway."

"Will do, man." Naruto nodded with a smile, watching Isshin backtrack to his jeep. He bid Isshin and Karin a two-fingered salute, keeping his eyes fixated on the spare tire on the back of Isshin's jeep until it was out of sight. By that point he turned his eyes to the sheet of paper in the palm of his hand, feeling no optimism or dread of being possibly let down, "Meh, what's the worst that could happen?"

xXx

Jesus Never Dies

 **C**

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 **R**

 **TWO**

xXx

Stand Proud

The following day Naruto was up bright and early and dressed in his usual attire, downing a cup of instant noodles before sauntering out of his apartment in casual indifference. It wasn't like he particularly hopeful in discovering someone he could supposedly relate to in this "mysterious" store owner Isshin had instructed him to go to in terms of his advanced abilities, it was that on these certain days, where he was free from school, he liked to spend as much time as humanly possible goofing off.

Spending time with his girls even if it meant being dragged to the mail by them.

Pigging out at his favourite ramen shop.

Playing video games at the arcade.

Fighting a bunch of wannabes, the good stuff.

This was the only reason he was up as early as he was instead of sleeping in until noon, to get this inevitable visit out of the way as fast as possible so he could enjoy the weekend all teens his age looked forward to by the end of the week.

After he had acquired another set of sake and cigarettes he made his way to his given location, which was situated behind a two four-story apartment complexes in front of the cemetery.

Why cemetery? Because nothing said 'Hey, we're sane' better than a magnificent backdrop than the resting place for the dead.

Naruto wasn't surprised to find a modest-looking establishment with a humble built van in front of the cemetery, having already come to the glaring conclusion if the owner really operated on the supernatural some eccentricity was par for the course.

What he didn't expect to find was his arguably closest companion here too and laying out some red headed teen their age to boot too.

"Hey… buddy," Naruto greeted, awkwardly gaining the attention of Karakura's second toughest delinquent.

Kuwabara jolted his shoulders in his sudden surprise in hearing his rival's voice, though any semblance of shock at Naruto's arrival crinkled up into disgust at the cancer stick he held in his fingers, "Ugh, Uzumaki," He acknowledged with noticeable disdain, "Smoking I see. Typical. You have no honour, man."

"Don't be a pansy!" Naruto smirked, eliciting a roll of the eyes from Kuwabara, "What're you doing here anyway?"

"I was gonna ask you the same question," He murmured, but answered anyway just on the principal of Naruto asking first. He wasn't going to preach about Naruto being dishonourable if he wasn't the opposite; honourable, "Meh, whatever. I've been sensing things. Creepy, bad things."

"Is that so?" Naruto didn't even try to sound interested in Kuwabara's supposed supernatural awareness, not that he didn't believe him. Quite the contrary actually. Spirits weren't entirely uncommon, though only a large minority of humans could see them passing by oblivious to most.

Sadly, a folk was more likely to see the spirit of a dead human floating by than they were of catching sight of an superhuman guy like Naruto outrunning a car.

"Yeah, I heard this guy could help me with that from my sister and came here," Kuwabara clarified, already knowing what Naruto was going to ask next as he turned to the object of the blond's enquiry, the red-haired delinquent humbled on the ground, "But then I ran into this little shit picking on a girl."

Disgust settled in the blond's stomach, "No way."

"Oh gimme a break!" The red-haired delinquent began to protest. He reminds both of his fellow delinquents of Nelson from the Simpsons, wearing a similar ripped sleeveless purple vest top with a white shirt underneath matched by purple pants and black shoes. Even his hair was gelled back to complete his tough guy image, "Like any of you guys can talk!" He elaborated at the two raised eyebrows of curiosity he received from his apparent fellow delinquents, "I hear you guys get into fights all the time on the streets, so don't go giving me a hard time for giving Ururu a hard time, you self-righteous pricks!"

"Ah, so you've heard of us, have ya?" Instead of denying any accused comparisons between the three Naruto honed in on the clarification he could use to stroke his ego.

The red-haired teen scoffed, "Who hasn't? A word on the street is you guys go around picking on the first guy who looks at ya wrong."

"Don't compare us to you, you asshole!" Kuwabara raged, slamming his fist into his cheek with enough force to send him skidding several feet away from them, much to the girl's worry.

"Jinta-kun!"

"Unlike _you,_ we ain't tryhards!"

"Fuck yeah we're not!" This was one page Naruto was happy to share with his frenemy.

Jinta pushed himself up to one knee, glaring in the direction of the two powerhouse boys with confusion filling his angry gaze as blood cascaded from the cut on his assaulted cheek, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Unlike you, we're don't pick fights with girls or anyone smaller, younger and weaker than us! Why? Cause we ain't pussies who need to do that shit to make ourselves feel badass! Hell no! We ain't insecure! We look for the biggest, toughest, baddest mofo crew around. We don't give a shit if we're outnumbered, 'cause that's what being a badass is all about, taking on all pricks who wanna fight! Not girls or wussies who don't!"

Jinta could only stare in gobsmacked disgust throughout the duration of Kuwabara's speech. He could hardly believe there was a hooligan as disgustingly self-righteous as the lanky teen before him. To him, that was the beauty of being a ruffian, doing whatever he wanted and being immoral as possible without a fuck to give for the consequences. Not to uphold some moral code restricting him to only half of the things he wanted to pull off.

Jesus, how corny could that guy get?

"Gimme a break…" He grumbled under his breath.

"What was that squirt?" Kuwabara warned sharply, preparing his knuckles with an audible crack.

Still, though, as much as he hated the preacher of morality it wasn't like he could do much of anything to shove a sock on his nonsense given his defeat to him already.

"Man…" He turned his cheek away from him, signalling he had nothing more to say on the matter.

He knew he would never like that guy for as long as he lived.

Naruto sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth of someone cringing in the face of their friend's awful performance but not wanting to come out and outright say just how much he sucked, "Yeah, bud. That was a… inspirational speech and all, but…"

Kuwabara wasn't having any of Naruto's fake attempts of validating his speech. He didn't need praise of what he thought was right. As long as he knew what he fought for he would always hold on to the belief that he could convert more followers to the Code of Honour.

"Hey, you okay there?" He asked caringly, turning to the girl of Jinta's previous oppression, "Don't worry, madam. That asshole won't be bothering ya again."

One look at the apparent rescued girl of oppression and Naruto could see why Kuwabara would want to go out of his way to a teach a brute some gentlemanly manners in dealing with a lady. She was a quite the looker, not on the level of his girls but she would have made an alright girlfriend for his frenemy. She had two perpetual twin blushes on her cheeks that forever fossilized her facial features in this absolutely adorable shy expression, long purple that cascaded down to the mid of her back with two bangs framing her face. She wore a purple sailor fuku complete with a matching blazer from some school he had never heard of.

Ururu mustered up enough air in her lungs to speak out against Kuwabara's decidedly rough treatment of her proclaimed sibling, "I'm okay, but you didn't have to be so mean to Jinta-kun."

She was still insisting he went too far in his punishment of the rowdy ruffian despite his mistreatment of her? Kuwabara felt touched by her kindness, "Ptff, whatever. Little shit had it coming."

"Oh screw you!"

"For once me and you can agree on something, bastard," Naruto declared casually, eliciting a snort out of Kuwabara.

"A snowball musta survived in hell."

"I know, right? I didn't think I would live to see the day I'd end up agreeing with your dumbass."

"Oh suck a dick, Uzumaki! You couldn't have scored that much higher than me on our last school exam!"

The whiskered cheeked hooligan was already grinning smugly from Kuwabara's admittance of him essentially being smarter even before revealing his real score, "I got a fifty-one." He bragged.

"What? Fifty-one!" That was just barely a passing grade. While it didn't make him a genius by any means it left his intelligence on average which was much more than Kuwabara could say, "Hell no! How the fuck did ya score a fifty freakin' one, Uzumaki!? You don't study anymore than I do!"

"I do when my girls persuade me to." Naruto shrugged.

"How the hell do they manage that?" Kuwabara questioned back in incredulity.

He sighed dreamily in the bliss of his recall of Yuzu and Karin's bribe of persuading him to do his homework, "Ten bowls of ramen and 'em in bikinis, boii."

Kuwabara's scepticism instantly eased up into understanding recognition. Really, he understood the blond stood zero chance against such a proposal. In his simple mind, men had two weaknesses; their stomachs and their dicks, and no other person knew that better than their girl.

"Alright, I get behind that last part," He reasoned, crossing his arms with an understanding nod. If he had a girl who was offering to stay in a bikini while he did his homework he would snatch at the opportunity too, "Though I would suggest ten orders of double decker cheese burgers."

"Get bent! Ramen's the food of the gods."

"More like the food of the scrubs. That shit'll kill ya faster than a heart attack."

"And cheeseburgers won't? That shit's even cheaper!"

"Least cheeseburgers are tasty."

"And Ramen isn't?"

"No! I've tried all flavours and each one makes me barf!"

Naruto inhaled through his nostrils in barely restrained patience, "This is why I hate ya, man."

"I hate you more."

Jinta could only stare with a face full of disbelief at the hard realization that he was below a pair of joke hooligans on the power scale, 'I actually lost to this guy,' Oh, the woes of being an unimportant side character. How he hated it.

"What's going on out here?" It looked for all intents and purposes that an increase was on the cards for Jinta's headache when his hulking carekeeper stepped through the door of the small shop, hair styled in cornrows as he towered over the youngsters with his imposing structure.

"Pssh, get a load of this guy, Uzumaki," Kuwabara nudged his fellow delinquent beside him all the while looking up at the mammoth of a bespectacled man before them, "He's huge!"

"Yeah no shit," Naruto murmured back. He had seen his fair share of lanky adults on the streets, but none had ever come close to matching the sheer balance of muscle and height that this oddly politely looking gentleman had in front of them.

Any tension hidden beneath a crouching nonchalance evaporated when the butler actually turned to the boys he didn't recognize with a brightened visage of polite recognition, "Ah, customers. Splendid. And how may we at the Urahara Shoten assist you gentlemen on this day?"

Naruto scratched his scalp, only slightly put off at such a towering titan of a man being such a chivalrous gentleman before cutting to the chase, "Got sent to this Urahara-guy by another guy named Isshin. Said-." He was politely urged to cease his explanation by the outward palm of the butler.

"Ah, Master Uzumaki. We've been expecting your arrival," He stated.

So old man Isshin phoned ahead of him? Cool. That was convenient and saved time.

"As well as a Master Kuwabara," He continued, rounding on the aforementioned youth in questioning, "Would that happen to be you by any chance young man?"

"Yeah," He confirmed, brow furrowing in relaxed realization, "My sis called ahead, huh?"

"Indeed."

"Cool."

"Follow me inside. I'll inform Master Urahara of your arrivals," Tessai instructed, in the motion of pivoting toward the door.

"Hey, you need to talk to that little shit too!" Kuwabara furiously injected, pointing an authoritative finger to the hooligan in question, getting him to stiffen him up at the prospect of being ratted out to his senior as said senior ceased his turn, peering over to the redhead on the spot with an intimidating glance before looking back at Kuwabara.

"And why might that be?" He suggested in a rhetoric manner.

Kuwabara was straight to the point in his reason with a stiff jerk of his head in Ururu's direction, ignoring the redhead's pleading gestures of mercy, "The bastard was bullying her."

"I can assure you I'll be having words with the young master later," Tessai said, prompting Jinta to toss his head up in relenting frustration.

"Good!" Kuwabara declared, crossing his arms in annoyed content.

"If that'll be all," He waited until it was clear he wasn't going to get anymore signs of interruption from the two before continuing with his turn, "Then please follow me inside."

"Pfft. Tell-tale…" Jinta whispered bitterly to Kuwabara in the act of his fellow delinquents sauntering past him with their hands in their pockets.

"Go fuck yourself, bitch," Kuwabara harshly murmured back, bidding him a very bitter depart with the bird before entering the Urahara store with his rival in tow, "Little fuck."

"Place isn't what I was expecting," Naruto commented on the design of the establishment. Given that the store owner operated on the supposed supernatural Naruto would've expected his shop of operations to be more on the grandiose side, but instead found a modest interior to match its humble exterior. It had two glass cases filled with the store merchandise and a single elevated step at the end of a narrow aisle. As simple and bland as it all sounded, like potatoes or water. No favour or pizzazz.

"What were you expecting?" Kuwabara questioned, his face scrunching up in annoyed confusion at his frenemy, not thinking much of the shop's grounded look as a whole compared to Naruto.

Naruto crossed his arms, squinting his eyes as he struggled to find the correct words to describe what he meant. "Just a little something… hmm, elaborate I guess."

Kuwabara's impatient look only increased as he fisted his hips, "Like what?"

"Like…" He tried before abruptly changing his mind, waving his hand to dismissive his expectations as unnecessary, because they were in the grand scheme of things, "Na, forget about it. S'not important. We're here now."

Kuwabara rolled his eyes, "If ya say so."

"Please wait here. I will inform the master of your arrivals," Tessai requested, disappearing behind a curtain behind the elevated steps when he received two nods from the youngsters.

Left to their own devices, the two teenage boys allowed their short attention spans to get the better of them and begin observing the merchandise, trying to spot anything that could stick out as bizarre in the mundane everyday life of normal people while passing the ball of conversation back and forth between themselves.

"Good thing big guy turned out to be a pacifist sissy, eh?" Kuwabara began, singling out a peculiar named tube of apparent sugary goodness titled **Soul Candy** , 'What the fuck is this shit?'

"Why? Did his size have ya turning yellow?" Naruto tossed back offhandedly, his mind currently elsewhere.

"Oh suck a fat one Uzumaki!" Kuwabara snapped, slamming his viewed upon merchandise to whence came from to round on his rival with a wrathful glance, "I was not scar-!"

"Hey, get load of this!" Naruto beamed, yanking out the previous silhouetted merchandise he had been eyeing with curiosity since getting under his rival's skin; a naked life-like, life-sized doll. Seriously. The amount of detail put into that doll was astounding. It could have been its own artificial body had it possessed a face and hair for the amount of detail it had already, "It looks like a body!~"

It was already hard for a ginger to go pale but Kuwabara turned as white as a ghost from having what looked like a limp body detangling in his face, "Eeeeeeeeee! He cringed, throwing his arms up, "Put that shit down, man!"

"Why?" Naruto asked with a glimpse of innocence before a wolf-like smirk curved across his lips, "Oh, I get it. You're scare, ain't cha?" He shoved the body up against Kuwabara, prompting him to flinch, "Admit it!"

"Fuck off!" Not being able to take having what could have essentially passed off as a living corpse rubbed up against him, Kuwabara took the usual risk of taking a swing at Naruto, which only resulted in him being floored with a hard elbow in the back of his head after his rival had merely side stepped his attack.

"Yeah, don't try that," Naruto recommended casually, shaking the body free of any excess dust as though he were dusting off his hands from a job well done while eyeing his floored rival with a measure of cocky satisfaction. All of which was put on hold when a huge shadow eclipsed Naruto's diminutive frame, prompting him to raise an eyebrow in curiosity, "What?"

"Would you mind placing that in its proper place young master?" Tessai asked. Even in his threatening voice he still maintained his formal politeness above all else, "Unless, of course, you are planning on making a purchase!" He brightened.

"No thanks," Big guy staring him down menacingly or not Naruto still inappropriately and uncaringly tossed the fake body to the side without a fuck to give if it was the right place or not. He had been decimating tall grown-ups looking to put him in his place for beating up their sons since he was a toddler to build a solid chip on his shoulder. One adult exuding a little bit of killer's intent wasn't going to knock that off anytime soon.

Even still though he didn't want to buy some freaky fake body even if it was a load of fun torturing Kuwabara with it so he would compromise that much.

The blond hard ass glanced over to where Tessai had disappeared originally to retrieve the supposed spiritualist the two rude boys had come to see to find a tall, lean-built fellow blond. Except his blond was nowhere near as shiny to the point it was golden as Naruto's was. It was a pale yellow and shaggy, extending down to his shoulders.

He sported a medium green kimono held closed by a black sash and matching green pants. Over his normal attire he donned an haori of a darker shade of green. Most eye-catching characteristics which Naruto felt he would come to recognize the man as were his bucket green-and-white striped hat casting a shadow over his eyes, wooden sandals and cane in his right hand.

"See anything you like?" He teased with a grin he kept hidden with another noticeable object; a fan he pulled from the confines of his kimono.

Well that was obviously a troll. No reason to answer that so Naruto didn't. "You Kisuke?"

Ah. He didn't take the bait. He was no fun. "Why, yes, yes I am this mere humble shopkeeper," If Kisuke wasn't disappointed by Naruto not taking his troll-bait he didn't let it show as he kept up his charade, "And please, don't feel put-off if the gigai wasn't up your alley. I have plenty of other top-quality merchandise that is sure to be your cup of tea," He finished with a wink as if he were sealing the deal.

Wait. That thing that resembled a body was actually an artificial body? Well it made sense to both boys that it was given how closely it resembled a body already, but that begged the question of why anyone would need a fake body. Neither of them wanted that question anymore than they wanted the answer. The question was nightmare fuel on its own.

"Yeah… man. I'll… be sure to keep that in mind," Naruto replied in awkward sarcasm, "So my girls' old man thought you could help me understand my unnatural strength."

"Ah, yes!" Kisuke grinned widely in remembrance, mischief still lighting up the shadow over his eyes despite Naruto's attempts to get to the heart of the matter, "Many great things are expected of you Mr Uzumaki."

"Oh, c'mon man," Kuwabara urged, "Can the shit. We ain't five."

"No, seriously! Mr Uzumaki is the chosen one prophesied to raise once more and save the world."

"Yeah, I'm destined to be King of Quincies."

"Well let at least there's more of a chance of me being the saviour of all mankind than you being king of… whatever those Quincy-dorks are." Naruto's logic: Kuwabara sucked.

"Fuck off, Uzumaki! You don't even know how sissy the Quincy are!"

"Would if ya told me about 'em?"

"Why!? They're not even important! They're practically extinct like the fuckin' dinosaurs at this point!"

Kisuke shook his head in wary amusement at the two boys' petty argument. He knew even before he had met the transmigrated god that it was never going to be that straightforward to convince him that he was the reincarnation of an golden wonder whom had rescued the prehistoric world of old from an everlasting illusion. It was a fairly unbelievable story, one he sometimes doubted himself even after researching Naruto's return inscribed on a stone tablet from the one who had foretold the prophecy himself.

But there was his evidence, standing before him arguing with his school friend. Even before he had approached the boy, Kisuke could feel the massive oceans of power hidden within the blond's short stature.

"Well I suppose a measure of convincing is in order, eh?" Kisuke stated rhetorically in an eerily calm voice contrasting his initial lighthearted silly demeanour, pressing his hat downward to hide his face.

The two stopped, simultaneously rotating tilted heads of confusion at Kisuke at the latter's sudden change in character, "…Okay," Naruto shrugged, "I'll bite. How're we gonna do that?"

"C'mon." Kisuke jerked his head, "I believe explanations are due first."

Naruto and Kuwabara both spared a glance at one another, both equally struck with befuddlement at the store owner's flip-of-a-switch change in demeanour of joking goofball to serious hard ass before shrugging.

"Fine." Kuwabara said for the both of them.

"Tessai, my good man! Would you be so kind and prepare the tea?" He flashed their guests a malevolently delighted grin that caused Kuwabara's crawl to skin and Naruto's eyes to harden, "This may take a while."

"Of course Urahara-dono."

* * *

 **I think that's a good place to end, eh? On a cliffy. I hope you guys enjoyed. Also, I currently make daily Rainbow Six Siege videos over on YouTube. If ya could subscribe to me I'd be eternally grateful. My Youtube's channel's the same as my fanfiction account: Thugs Bunny.**

 **Peace**


	3. It Has To Be Coincidence Right?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Bleach or Shaman King.**

 **Naruto could beat Raditz nowadays. Just saiyan. I think that's only fair now. The Narutoverse has risen tremendously in power since the DBGT-like (in low quality writing, of course) war happened. I don't think it's unreasonable to say he's at small planet level if we low-balled his tanking of a moon-cutter to like multi continent level because we're saying the Narutoverse's moon was somewhat hollow. Multi continent is still most of the planet and he tanked that attack effortlessly, meaning Toneri, even being that strong, was still fodder by comparison, so yh.**

 **Small planet level is the least we can give Naruto. Moreover, while I feel Raditz would likely have more destructive power than Naruto because blowing the moon up over cutting it which Piccolo who Raditz decimated with ease, did, Naruto would just have too much for him. Even without the all negating Balls of Truth, Naruto could throw Raditz off with clones and hit him with a Rasenshuriken barrage. I know in the war it just seems more and more like a Kamehameha/Spirit Gun kinda just straightforward nuke attack, it still isn't. It would FUCK Raditz up unless maybe he has his aura up, which he has to consciously do as seen in Goku's and Trunks' little sparring match in Z where Goku charged KI in his finger and blocked Trunks' sword and Super Saiyan Blue Goku getting pierced by a scrub's laser gun** **.**

 **Aura can block anything, yes, but it's not subconscious by any means. They have to consciously shroud themselves in it to be nigh-invincible.**

 **Naruto's Saiyan Saga level easily.**

* * *

It was him, the _**Transmigration**_ of the Child of Prophecy later dubbed one of the first two of the Divine Warriors; nigh godlike Warriors said to be so strong their mere presence alone brought cataclysmic devastation to countries. Truly, Kisuke had his doubts pertaining to the accuracy of the stoned tablets listing the absurd power of the Divine Warriors, but he had seen three earn the prodigious title after Naruto and the first one received theirs many, many years before he even existed, so while the more rational part of his brain told him parts of their accomplishments were overblown another part told him they wasn't all exaggerated. There were some truths to the tale. Naruto was a living-breathing proof vessel of the legend of the very first two named Divine Warriors.

He _radiated_ power, even untapped and suppressed. The boy with cerulean eyes as blue as the ocean itself - a paragraph of the ancient prophecy - was definitely that Naruto. Anyone else even with a quarter the amount of reiatsu as Naruto would've been devoured by the creepy-crawlies of the night, to put it in less literal terms. He had his theories as to why Naruto hadn't yet been hunted down by those who coveted his power for their evolution but he would reserve those until after he opened Naruto's eyes to his destiny. That was the challenge, accomplishing that in a manner that was most plausible. As Naruto's companion proved, people didn't **just** believe what they were told at face-value from total strangers, especially what was essentially a fairy tale legend wholly unbelievable and not at all grounded in reality.

Fortunately, he was Kisuke Urahara, a man of a thousand possibilities, planning strategies a million years in advance. Naruto was no different. A couple of centuries back, when he first heard of Naruto's existence, he mentally mapped out multiple blue prints he would likely employ to get Naruto on his side for his own convenience.

The greater good played a smaller factor in Kisuke's desire to ensure Naruto stayed relatively in the white end of the spectrum but only because he had no desire to fight against someone said to had possessed power capable of **destroying the planet**. He was shady and corrupt in his own right but he didn't harbour any delusions of world domination. He wasn't that ambitious. He just wanted security, and having a godlike warrior on his side granted him all of that and more.

"Naruto!"

Ah! Actually, to tell the truth, he was overjoyed to see Naruto and his companion weren't so naïve that they would just believe everything he said at face value, because that meant he could employ operation fun strategy, _show_ them why Naruto was a legend-among-legends by helping them ascend through the 'goodness' of his heart.

"Why!"

...Without telling them at first, of course, because trolling was always fun.

"Owwwww!" The spiky headed blond winced, pushing himself to his backside and ignoring the strange rattling of chains close to his proximity, "What gives, asshole?!" Naruto's cerulean eyes borne into his mischievous-smiling assailant with laser-like accuracy and penetration, "What's the big idea leading us down here in this Cliffside basement thing only to whack me across the fucking landscape, prick!" Seriously, though. He could've at least been kind enough to let Naruto and his rival absorb the near perfect imitation of a Cliffside that was Kisuke's 'basement.' Even the artificial sky looked absolutely real and looked like the everyday sky he was used to seeing when he stepped outside his shitty apartment. He would've believed it was real if it weren't for the eerily, still, unmoving clouds.

But scratch that. Now all his mind could dwell on was the sudden and, surprisingly, damaging assault on his person and how his pride needed to be compensated for its humiliation. He actually _rag dolled_ for the first time since he could remember upon being met with a strike, and it irritated him to no ends.

"You got five seconds to explain yourself before I kick your butt from here, all the way to China!" The whiskered-cheeked hotshot asserted, darkening glare only leaving Kisuke's teasing smile from the nervous nudges on his shoulder.

"Uh, Naruto," Kuwabara's gruff voice sounded supremely nervous.

"What!" He snapped with unintentional rudeness, searching his rival's nervous gestures with annoyance plastered on his face, "What? What are you trying to say, man?"

Kuwabara didn't know how to convey his absolute horror to his technically best friend, in the sense that Naruto was his only friend, companion at least. He wasn't as blunt as his physically stronger classmate on sensitive matters so he figured the only way to get his point across was to show Naruto as he shakily pointed across the landscape to where Naruto originally laid. Naruto traced his finger, eyes bulging wide to a perfect replica of himself lying motionlessly on his belly wearing his clothes seemingly being linked to his person by a metal chain.

Well that explained the noise.

"Hey, there's another me, wearing my clothes," Naruto stated, all semblance of fire lost in his blank tone. With supreme hesitation extremely unnatural to his confident character, he touched at his chest, wincing from the cold feel of metal. He gulped, steeling himself for the worse before gazing down to find an all too familiar object now attached to where his heart should be. He trembled, "...Hey, I know this thing," It was the very spirit chain he had seen on many a spirits with his girlfriends walking from and away from school, "That means..."

"He killed you..." Kuwabara finished for him, voice trailing off in a gasping whisper.

"Noooooo!" Naruto lamented, and Kuwabara joined him in his grief.

"Noooooo!"

"I was so young, though!"

"I know, man!"

"I'll never get to taste ramen again!"

"Who am I gonna beat up now!?"

"Shut up and be serious, you idiot!" Naruto reprimanded him, returning to his grief shortly after, "What are my princesses gonna do without their prince-charming in orange shining armour!"

"Wait a minute!" The sudden reference to his girlfriends hit Kuwabara with a flash of selfish inspiration, "With you out the picture maybe I can score with Yuzu and Karin."

Faster than a heartbeat, the sadness in Naruto's cerulean eyes shifted to dangerous anger, "You better not or else I'll haunt your ass from beyond the grave!"

Kuwabara stood tall, bulky shoulders extended in his bravery, "Haha! Whatcha gonna do now, Uzumaki? You're dead! Time to step aside and let a real man show the ladies all about honour and... swords. Yeah! Innuendo very much intended, punk!"

Naruto growled underneath his breath, "You..."

"Actually, Mr Kuwabara," Naruto's quote-unquote murderer chimed in, earning Naruto's ire and Kuwabara's nervous attention, a murderous red crimspn glow gleaming in his eyes, "You gotta die too, I'm afraid."

Kuwabara paled, backing up with his hands held up, "Wait! Hold on, man! If ya worried I'm gonna snitched, don't! I hate cops!"

"Sorry, you've seen too much my friend. Gotta silence you the hard way. Nothing personal!~"

The horrified panicked on Kuwabara's face worsened as the shadow of Kisuke's approach slowly eclipsed his panicking visage until he turned and attempted to gallop to safety, for all the good it did; none. Kisuke literally blazed past him like the wind, ejecting his spiritual body from his physical one with a slash far too quick for the naked eye to catch. He stumbled and rolled beside an overjoyed Naruto, pushing himself and observing his chain with a sigh of deflated excitement.

"Darn, I was so close too to getting two hot girls."

"Hahahahaha!" Naruto chortled, throwing an arm around his partner in dead, "Don't feel too bad, buddy. There's no way you woulda gotten my girls. I'm in so deep with 'em they'll die without ever looking at another guy again!"

"Oh, fuck you!"

"Oh, you're not dead... yet," Kisuke stated perkily, whispering the end part of his sentence very inaudibly and malevolently underneath his breath, "Cheer up!"

His follow up sufficed to masquerade his malicious intent as the two turned to him with hopeful eyes, "Really? We're not dead?" Naruto asked, praying for clarification.

"Noooo," Kisuke drawled out playfully, tapping the chains connected to their chests, "See this? This is what's known as a spirit chain. As long as it remains attached to your real bodies, you can hop right in no problem!"

Naruto heavled a massive sigh of relief followed by Kuwabara, "Well that's a relief. For a second there I thought we were seriously-." Their chains were severed mid-sentence, "Fuckeddddddd!"

"We're dead!" Kuwabara yelled, grasping his huge wallowed cheekbones, "He killed us for reals this time!" He slammed a fist against the battered crumbled rocky ground beneath them, "Gosh darn it! I never even got the chance to own a cat!"

"I'll waste you, you asswipe!" Naruto lunged in on Kisuke who merely responded with a two-fingered gesture, content mocking grin still very much hidden behind his trademark green and white striped fan. Seemingly against his will, Naruto's arms forced his rush attempt on his murderer to a sudden halt and moved behind his back, twisting forcefully in knots as though an invisible ghost was tying ropes around them, "Wha-? FUCK!" He grimaced in agony, attempting to wiggle his arms free in vain to escape the seeming psychic's hold, "No fair, bitch! That's cheating!"

"What the hell?" Kuwabara wasn't flaring any better. Kisuke had also used the same voodoo-like magic on him, psychically tying his arms behind his back and forcing both of his twisting arms up in the air, bringing both him and his rival to their knees, "What is this shit!?"

"First you kill us, then you torture us!?" Naruto accused, face shoved almost magnetically into the rocky surface, "Oh, that tears it! I'm so haunting your ass for the rest of your days, you asshole!"

"Relax! You're not dead - so to speak - just yet!" Kisuke declared vaguely, absolutely loving all the reactions he was evoking from the overreacting students.

"What are you talking about?!" Naruto demanded, still struggling to at least push himself up, but all for naught.

"Tessai, my good man!" He ranged, and a massive shadow eclipsed the trapped boys' bodies before the air was taken right out of their sails by the straight-legged cross sit down press by Urahara's assistant that literally quaked the ground his muscular built, "Take our 'guests' here to the next stage in their evolution." They really didn't like the way he phrased the term "next stage", partly because neither Junior high schooler had the slightest clue what the fuck he was going on about but mostly because he sounded absolutely evil.

"As you wish Master."

For it just them or could they not feel the ground underneath their flattened bodies anymore? "Wait, whattttttttttt-?" The sudden rapid descent tuned out Naruto's question entirely as both boys used every last ounce of their lung capacity to scream for dear life in their free fall into the dark abyss of seemingly absolute nothing. lives flashing spastically before their very eyes before they reached the bottom of an eerily glowing dark green pit in an explosive thud the likes of which could only be matched by a crushing boulder falling atop of a skyscraper to the earth below.

"Ugh, I think my legs are broke, guys," Kuwabara moaned.

"Hey, you two still kicking down there?!" Kisuke's mocking voice hollered down at them.

Naruto once again stubbornly attempted to raise his head but couldn't even pry his chin from the cold ground, so he did the next best thing and envisioned Kisuke before his glaring vision, "What d'you think!?"

"Good!" Kisuke approved sarcastically, "Listen, if you wish to escape my lovely pit of doom you must first _find~_ your _true selves_!~"

"What are you talking about, true selves?"

"You better get to it! I estimate you have three days **before**..."

Kuwabara gulped at the ominous foreshadowing of their end fates.

"Before... what exactly?"

"Hahahahahahahahaha!"

And Kisuke just left them with the sinister laughter of a crazed madman.

* * *

"Goood… Morninggggg… Ichiiiigoooooo!"

Ah, the usual obnoxious awakening call almost came as a pleasant reassurance to our secondary main protagonist of the story, and considering the surreal events which had transpired all of last night ago, normal order resuming was just the thing he needed to set his mind at ease.

…Well it would have been if it weren't for the all-important fact normal order meant he had to react like a cat to avoid getting knocked on his ass by his loon of a father, who, for some crazy reason only he knew, chose to attack him daily by way of morning greeting.

"Goddamn it, old man!" The orange-haired teen raged, tucking his feet inward to spring to a quick squat, narrowly avoiding the ridiculous dropkick of one Isshin Kurosaki that almost shattered his bed in two. He retaliated by roughly grabbing hold of his father in the palm of his hand, aggressively driving him off of his bed and pinning him to the floor with an unforgiving thud, "What kinda lunatic attacks their own son in the morning!?"

"Training!" Isshin perked, "These random attacks are what will keep your reflexes in tip-top shape!"

Ichigo deadpanned at the usual nonsensical answer from his decidedly childish father as he got off of him, "Fine. Whatever," He waved it off, "Can ya at least give it a rest for today after what happened last night?"

Isshin's head bobbled back up in a confused tilt, "Last night?"

Now it was Ichigo's turn to hold the ball of confusion. That didn't sound right at all. The events they went through all of last night weren't so insignificantly ordinary that they just could be forgotten as inconsequential, "Whaddya mean 'last night'?" He snapped in a bid to jog his father's seemingly wayward memory.

Luckily, he had just the thing to do that; the evidence of the white-masked creature attack, "There should be a big freaking hole out front!" He insisted, pointing furiously toward the window of his bedroom.

And it did seem to be just the trick Isshin needed to kick start his brain as he smiled in remembrance, "Oh!~ You mean that!" Only Ichigo still wasn't satisfied by his father's seeming recognition of the surreal events they experienced in the night, "Don't worry about it!"

If only for the important fact his father wasn't acting like one would from being ambushed by a supernatural creature of the night. Almost having one of your daughters devoured whole definitely wasn't something not to worry about.

Instead of answering Ichigo's unasked question Isshin led him outside, all the while maintaining his reassuring grin.

….

….

….

….

"Isn't it a miracle!?"

Well, his family definitely recalled the gaping hole in front of their clinic.

"A truck drives through our home and none of us are even injured!"

…Only they had the culprit mixed up with something else entirely, like their experience was replaced with this.

"Masaki must be watching over us!" Isshin bawled theatrically, covering his weeping eyes with his arm.

'What the fuck?' Ichigo mused, staring into his place of growth for the last fifteen years from the outside in abject horror, 'Why do they think a truck did this?' His mind wandered to one of the only conceivable explanations, 'Did she do this?' The petite girl garbed in black who danced gracefully through his window. It wasn't everyday one had the luxury of pinning their dilemma on an apparent messenger of God.

He didn't know honestly. He was still very much in the dark despite all that she had told him about the Afterlife that was apparently called the Soul Society. Truthfully, he wouldn't have believed a single thing she said if it wasn't the fact she sent a spirit who had been peacefully haunting his family over to the Soul Society in a majestic display of serenity.

Anyone who could interact with a spirit in such a way definitely wasn't just some kid play acting god.

"I'm just surprised none of us even woke up to sue the drunk," Karin deadpanned, already dressed in her school uniform much like her sister.

"Well I'm just relieved we all made it out okay," Yuzu beamed with an softening smile, "Naruto-kun should be happy. I'll ask him if he can help with repairs if we hopefully see him at school."

"Are we sure he's even alive, Sis?" Karin asked. It was a legitimate question. It was Monday. The weekend had gone past without the twin sisters hearing a word from their boyfriend. Not a call to pester them to come join him at his favourite shop or even a text to see how they were doing. That was very unlike the Naruto they knew. In the very least he would always send them a text each asking them how they were doing and if they could hang out.

"Karin-chan!"

"You said 'if' yourself," Karin retorted dismissively, "We don't know where in the hell he's at?" And that in of itself raised all sorts of alarms. The girls almost always knew where Naruto was or was last situated at any given time.

The left side of Yuzu's cheekbone inflated outward in the most adorable pout ever, "Well you don't have to be so negative about it!"

"Don't fret my girls!" Isshin insisted with transparent optimism, scooping his daughters up in a bear hug, "I'm sure your fella's just gone on a long training montage! After all, any man worthy enough of not one but both of my girls has to be in tip-top shape!"

"Right… Of course. He's jogging up mountains as we speak to Rocky Balboa music," Karin remarked sarcastically.

"That's the spirit!"

This was where Ichigo just tuned out the conversation. In fact, he had been doing so since Yuzu brought up their boyfriend. His sisters' romantic lives were just that; their lives, and although he was left wary of the fact one boy could allegedly charm his sisters, he trusted their discretion. To Ichigo, Karin and Yuzu were good girls, and mature for their age.

The possibility of them falling for a delinquent badboy who would influence them negatively was slim to none and although there was an infamous ruffian who went by the name 'Naruto' Ichigo knew it was a coincidence.

There was just no way his sisters would ever fall for a scumbag infamous enough to be referred to as the "Demon Gaijin."

XxX

Jesus Never Dies

 **C**

 **H**

 **A**

 **P**

 **T**

 **E**

 **R**

 **THREE**

It Has To Be Coincidence. Right?

XxX

(Karakura High School)

Ah, school.

For once, Ichigo could actually say he would prefer to be there then at home. Tensions thickened in the Kurosaki residence when Karin flat out stated for a moment that her boyfriend, Naruto, a thirteen-year-old no less, could not only beat him, but do so with his hands tied behind his back.

Needlessly to say, she had stabbed at an ego Ichigo wasn't even sure he still had until that moment. He felt significantly better when she kinda-sorta took it back, even if there might have been a hint of sarcasm to her casual tone. There wasn't a chance in hell he would ever lose a brawl to a student in Junior High. No chance. Even if his sister was talking about the dreaded Demon Gaijin himself, but that would be nonsensical.

Karin and Yuzu _WASN'T_ going out with that Naruto.

So preoccupied with telling himself the Naruto his sisters were enamoured with was the ideal straight A student and nothing like the one many rumours revolved around he didn't realize he had cut a corner abruptly, straight into the line of view of two girls in his year group until he bumped over one of them.

"Ouch."

"Hm." He regarded the girl he inadvertently floored indifferently. Long, luscious amber hair cascaded down to her back like a majestic waterfall. Curves like that of an hourglass formed her curvaceous figure complemented by the most enormous pair of watermelons on her chest that he had seen on a high schooler, which said a lot in his case.

He wasn't a lecherous pervert by any means. He didn't sneak around to intentionally leer at girls, but he could appreciate a girl's beauty.

"Oh, it's you Inoue," He acknowledged impassively.

"Ichigo, you jerk!" The other girl raged, balling her hands into fists and getting in Ichigo's face. Orihime's opposite in every department in the degrading sense, from her mane of short, spiky hair, to her less than curvy figure broadening on cardboard and lastly, her decidedly smaller B-cup breasts. Tatsuki Arisawa was that girl guys went for when they realized the top-tier girls like Orihime weren't available, "Is THAT what you say when you knock someone down, huh?"

"Geez, sorry," Ichigo said a bit awkwardly, backed up slightly from Tatsuki's forward posture. He straightened, turned to the floored girl and kneeled to her level, offering her a hand, "Here, Let me help you up, Inoue."

Though the sight of his face, brightened in a backdrop of erotic pink, eased in a seductive expression of a snazzy gentleman to the high school girl's wild imagination had her heartbeat racing a hundred miles an hour, feeling light-headed like her head was floating on a cloud was too much for Orihime to handle. Instinctively, she shot to her feet by her own power, face heated with several shades of red as she frantically waved her arms about in ever so polite dismissal.

"Oh, that's okay, Kurosaki-kun!" She hurried, mind scrambling for answers, "I was late for art class anyway! Bye!" She turned without waiting to see his possible judgemental gaze and jogged girlishly down the hall, leaving the orange haired youth staring bizarrely in her wake.

"What was that all about?" Ichigo asked Orihime's decidedly ditched escort.

Tatsuki sighed, more at ichigo's ignorance than Orihime's quirky dramatics before plastering a smile, "Oh, I don't know, maybe it was your big ol' ugly face?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah."

"So how are you, man?" Tatsuki said to begin small talk with her childhood friend, "How did your weekend go? Anything good come up?"

Ichigo was almost attempted to sarcastically debrief her on his run-in with the Shinigami woman who transferred her powers to him so he could save them all, but held back for the obvious reason that no one in the right frame of mind would ever believe such a ridiculous story of god's escorts and ghostly creatures at face value. He experienced all that and even he had trouble believing all that actually went down.

"Not really," Ichigo replied nonchalantly, walking with Tatsuki to their homeroom, "Well, my sisters are stressed over their friend not getting in touch over the weekend, but I'm sure it's no big deal. He probably just left his phone off."

"You mean that Naruto-kid?" Tatsuki's eyes shot to Ichigo's inquisitively. On more than one occasion had Tatsuki frequented the Kurosakis to pay Ichigo a visit and overheard his sisters talking, sometimes even arguing, about their 'friend' Naruto.

Despite the dark nature of her forthcoming joking question, Tatsuki cocked a sly grin, elbowing Ichigo, "How do ya know he hasn't just bit the dust already after biting off more than he can chew?"

Ichigo narrowed his eyes dangerously, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, come off it!" She scolded, "You must have figured it out by now? Who your sisters are dating?"

"My sisters aren't going out with the 'Demon Gaijin' Tatsuki?"

"How do you know?"

"I just do!"

"Have you ever met Naruto?"

Silence.

"Then it stands to reason he could be the one your sisters are smitten with," Tatsuki finalized, "I mean, how many other kids you know are named after ramen?"

"Naruto isn't a rare name," Ichigo defended, even if he knew himself his reasoning was weak. He even quickly shifted his reasoning to another hopefully more well-founded one, "What would they even see in a punk like him anyway?"

"Some girls like a bad boy," Not her, but some with a childish mindset. Not like Orihime's innocence but more of a mentality of them trying to act grown up and date a 'cool' tough guy as an act of rebellion against their parents. Her line of reasoning didn't go over well with Ichigo, however, as he shot her an annoyed grimace, "Hey, I'm just saying!"

"Rightttt…" Ichigo intoned dryly, turning his gaze away from Tatsuki in finality, "Never gonna happen. My sisters ain't some cliché teenage girls rebelling against our old man," They had been incredibly mature ever since their mother passed away. It had always shocked him yet filled him with pride at the same time to see how admirably his little sisters had coped with the passing of their mother.

"If you say so," Tatsuki remarked, but didn't press the matter further. Their journey continued onward much in silence, only being broken when they reached the door by the frantic cheer of a brown haired boy, slender arms thrown out spastically Ichigo's way.

"Ichigo!" The shaggy-styled haired youth's face met the forward forearm of said carrot-top he attempted to embrace in a brotherly manner, with Ichigo continuing his saunter on into the classroom as if he had simply past through the hyperactive youth.

"Hey, Keigo," He greeted tepidly.

"Ugh, nice to see you too, man," Keigo groaned from his place on the floor.

"Nice to see Asano-san's still his idiot self," Tatsuki remarked sarcastically.

"What else is new?" Ichigo returned. They each found their respective places on the formation of desks, with Ichigo occupying the window seat and Tatsuki sitting further up in the middle area next to Orihime and their other female friends.

"Hey Kurosaki-san," Mizuiro approached him, and similar to Orihime and Tatsuki being day and night respectively he and Keigo could've taken an identical yin-yang role to the girls. They were slender with barely anybody muscle upon them but whereas Keigo was dressed raggedly with an untucked shirt and tie and messy hair, Mizuiro was refined. Iron-pressed silvery-grey blazer jacket on and fully buttoned up and long shoulder-length dark blue hair combed neatly, leaving no rough edges out of place, Mizuiro was almost the textbook definition of dress to impress.

"What's up, Mizuiro?" Ichigo returned.

"How did your weekend go?" He enquired politely, making small talk.

"Could've been better," Ichigo answered grouchily, "Just yesterday a truck drove through my family's clinic."

"For real, dude?" The ragged teen previously on the floor hurried to his side for confirmation, expression a mixture of amazement of the expressly surreal nature of the incident and concern of the dangerous consequences of such a damaging incident ever taking place in a household of five.

"Yeah, freaky, right?" He asked sardonically, earning nods of agreement from his two friends, "Even freakier that none of us even woke up, but I guess we can count that as a blessing, eh?"

"I'll say," Keigo concurred, relieved to hear none of his friend's family or himself were fatally injured, "Did you catch the dude who did that?"

"Nah." Ichigo swayed his hand in the negative, "He hightailed it before any of us could woke up to press charges."

"Ugh. Well that blows," Keigo sighed in irritation, plastering a good-natured smile of optimism, "But hey, look on the bright side. At least you all made it out okay."

"True." Ichigo accepted, though rubbed the side of his neck in patented annoyance of his, "Gonna be a pain funding repairs, though."

Keigo offered him a grin of sympathy, "Yeah, bummer."

A huge shadow eclipsed the trio from Ichigo's blind spot, "Need any help cleaning up?" Came the usual deep monotone voice Ichigo had to come identified as his arguably closest friend. Twisting his head to face the large muscular Latino teenager who resembled a man in his mid-twenties than a fifteen-year-old, Ichigo grinned sheepishly at him.

"Uh, that's okay, man."

"Yeah, Chado. With your size, you'll probably bring down the house."

"Hm."

"Oh yeah!" Keigo perked up, "You hear guys?"

"Hear what?" Ichigo enquired, countenance reverting to its usual scowl.

"About that Naruto-dude?" Ichigo rose a rough askance eyebrow. It wasn't until Keigo finished that Ichigo felt like his world had come crashing down on him, "He's been M.I.A for three days now."

"What?" Eyes wide open Ichigo almost slammed his palms on the surface of his desk and shoved his posture forward, but he managed to refrain himself at the last second. He did have a measured image of aloof to maintain in class after all.

"Yeah! Dudes are already moving in on his turf."

"Fuck…" The tangerine-haired youth murmured harshly under his breath, lurching forward to perch his elbows atop his desk and intertwine his fingers together in a grouchily contemplative manner, eliciting an eyebrow from Mizuiro.

"Do you know Uzumaki?" Mizuiro asked.

Ichigo's scowl darkened, "Kinda."

"Seriously, dude?"

"Yeah. I met him years ago, though. Punk probably doesn't even remember me."

XxX

 _He had to think back as early as six years to recall his first ever meeting with a little rascal that would go on to become not one of, but thee biggest delinquent Karakura Town had ever known and a fateful encounter that heavily influenced Ichigo's resolve for the art of fighting. Oddly enough, despite the infamous reputation of which Naruto accumulated in the present his first encounter with Ichigo didn't go down as one would expect – that being Naruto antagonizing Ichigo and the two coming to blows because of it. Instead, it actually played out rather heroically; a complete contrast to many a view of Naruto's shady character._

 _A much shorter Ichigo could be found in the park standing protectively in front of his two smaller sisters having ran to their aid when a group of older kids around about his age decided to push them around._

 _Suffice to say, the protector did not take kindly to that harsh mistreatment of his precious siblings and launched a full-on headstrong assault at the group, all but ploughing one over on the route to his sisters with the force of a jack hammer with a powerful strike from his own hand-made club._

" _Ow!" The bully he had stuck down whined indignantly, clutching at his face while the rest of his posse shifted worried gazes to him and enraged ones to Ichigo, "What the heck? You coward!"_

" _Coming from the guy who needs a pack to pick on two girls!" Ichigo retorted in disdain._

" _Like we were gonna hit 'em! We were just lettin' 'em know the jungle gym belongs to us!" Another one of the hotshot bullies chimed in._

" _You don't own the jungle gym, jerk!" The feisty youth shot back. Scowls emerged on the faces of his opponents immediately followed by grumbles before they readied their postures in motions of attack, causing Ichigo to tighten his grip on his mace. For as willing as he was to face down his antagonists it was still six against one in their favour, and if to add further insult to his disadvantage…_

" _Big brother."_

 _He had his sisters to shield._

 _Ichigo lied a comforting hand upon little Yuzu's mop of dark blonde hair in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture, fierce, determined gaze never leaving the enraged stare downs of his opponents as she sniffed and clung to his side._

 _That was when he appeared. It was like something right out of an heroic tale when nearly all was lost to give the young ones hope for a brighter ending. He eclipsed the setting sun like an eagle in the sky, perching himself upon Ichigo's first assaulted target and forcing his head and body in a forward lurched over position._

" _Hey, OW!" He winced._

" _You know, six against one ain't fair." His childish, high-pitched voice squashed the tension like a jackhammer, spurring everyone out of their tense silence and into a state of befuddlement. When they met the mischievous blue-eyed gaze of a seemingly Gaijin kid the same age of the girls they had attempted to oppress, they were jarred, staring in dumbfounded confusion at the sight of a boy half their size and age standing casually atop their friend's head, and, by his straining grunts, effectively keeping him pinned._

" _What the heck?" One of them shouted aloud, alarm unintentionally slipping into his voice, "Ryo, shake him off already!"_

" _I can't!" Ryo specified in horrified alarm, causing his posse to jerk back in similar alarm, "He's fucking strong!"_

" _Uh, I'm not strong," Surprisingly, despite his showing of superior strength over a kid much older and bigger than him, the spiky-headed Gaijin seemingly showed admirably humility, "You guys are just weak."_

 _In unison, they flushed in anger, "What?"_

" _You heard me!" He asserted and with an additional pressure to his leg stomp on Ryo's head, he forced the older boy to one knee, renewing the panicked expressions of his friends, "Picking on girls. Sheesh, that's the lamest thing you can do. Real cool guys don't need to pick on those who are smaller than them to prove themselves. There's no fun in that!"_

" _You little bastard!" One roared in protest, getting a raspberry from the boy, "Who do you think you are preaching to us, you damn goody-two-shoes?!"_

" _I think am the kid who's owning your butts, dattebayo!"_

" _Get off him!" Another charged him in a desperate, reckless attempt to prove him wrong, that they weren't so weak that a little boy could easily manhandle them all, but that proved to be his undoing. With a leap, Naruto threw out his arm, grabbing the bully by the scruff of his neck and slamming him atop his friend in a dusty display of unnatural athleticism and strength._

 _Astounded couldn't even begin to describe the profound disbelief of those who had borne witness to the almost bona-fide counter of a skilled martial artist by the tiny scrawny arms of a toddler. They were floored, staring at Naruto with conflicting expressions shifting on their faces. Awe was the mutual expression of everyone present and fear was the exclusive emotion among the bullies._

" _Holy moley!" One of the nameless fodders yelled aloud, "This kid knows martial arts!"_

" _Orrrr, I'm not weak," The nigh inhumanly strong elementary schooler offered, squinted eyed as he dropped nonchalantly atop the flattened twosome he floored, shoving one hand in his pocket._

" _Let's get outta here, man!"_

" _Yeah, I don't wanna take on that freak!"_

 _Naruto frowned in annoyance, demanding as he tussled threateningly toward them, "What did'ja call me?" They squeaked an resounding nothing in unison before taking off in the opposite direction, absolutely dismissing their fallen buddies in their self-preservation and total desire not to get their faces pounded in, "Pssh, wussies!" The disgust that morphed on his whiskered countenance as a result almost had Ichigo mistaking him for a sadistic bad boy who just wanted to torture them more, until his next line, "Those who abandon their friends are worse than scum!"_

 _Ichigo's eyes were trembling in his disbelief, 'W-What?' He watched the shorter, younger boy approach them as if in slow motion, mind failing miserably to comprehend his absurd strength and bizarrely loyal character, 'What is this kid?'_

" _Sorry about that," Naruto offered upon stopping before the trio, adorable sheepish grin etching across his lips, "You guys okay?"_

 _The warmth of his friendly grin provided Yuzu the security she needed to squirm from behind her older brother's leg, "Wooow," She murmured longingly, eyes lighting up like stars, "You're really strong."_

" _Heh-heh," Naruto chuckled, caressing the back of his neck, "Thanks, but I'm not that strong."_

" _You saved us, though!" Yuzu argued back with a pout._

 _With very clear profound pride conveyed through his straightening head and thumbed posture, Naruto claimed, "It's what the good guys do, dattebayo," to which Yuzu giggled and Ichigo and Karin rolled their eyes, though both sported the tiniest of smiles._

" _Dattebayo?" Karin prodded, also feeling secure by Naruto's welcoming aura to step from behind Ichigo's leg, "Is that like a verbal tic or something?" Naruto flushed, flailing his hands about in realization of his slip up, promptly causing the twins to snicker at his expense. It was quite the charming sight for them, to see a kid their age so strong but easily flustered._

" _Yeah, I say that from time to time," He chuckled in his embarrassment, "Name's Naruto Uzumaki. What's yours?"_

" _I'm Yuzu Kurosaki!~" She beamed, pointing to her sister, "That's my twin sister, Karin!"_

" _Hi."_

" _Hey!"_

" _And that's!" For the first time since Naruto appeared on the scene his eyes met Ichigo's, "Is our big brother, Ichigo!"_

" _Hey."_

" _Hey."_

End of Flashback

There was a minuscule yet noticeable period of silence when the last word of Ichigo's retell of his first encounter left his lips, disbelief slowly giving away to amazement to the renewed perspective they received of someone most had already included would most likely end up in prison or dead later in life.

"Whoa…" Keigo uttered, breaking the ice, "That's," He shook his head, searching Ichigo's hazel eyes for any hint of amusement to betray his straight-faced expressopm, really not knowing what he was looking for considering Ichigo never looked remotely goofy, "Deep."

"So even the 'Great Uzumaki' was once normal," Mizuiro concluded, palpable sarcasm on Naruto's self-proclaimed title.

Ichigo sighed like a load was taken off his shoulders, tilting his head back toward the ceiling, "Seems so."

"How was he so strong even at that age though?" Mizuiro prodded, contemplatively cupping his chin.

"Dunno," Ichigo shrugged.

"Dude had to have taken some kinda martial arts, right?" Keigo offered.

Ichigo shook his head, "Like I said, dunno. Kid said he just watches Kung Fu flicks and applies whenever they do to his own brand of 'unique' fighting."

"No way!" Keigo dismissed, "Dude's obviously trolling."

"Probably."

"Hello there." That accent, even oddly altered to fit a modest polite girl, had Ichigo's eyes stretching wide. Neither of his friends took note to his disbelief, however, especially Keigo whom was entirely engrossed in the new girl who appeared in Ichigo's flank, "My name's Rukia Kuchiki. I just transferred here. It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance."

Well that settled that because it would just be too coincidental for someone to share the exact same voice and even name in its entirety of the enigma he met a night ago.

He snapped to his feet and twisted around, pointing shakily at the petite black-haired girl wearing the girl's school uniform, smiling pleasantly at him like this was truly their first time meeting one another.

"Huh?" Keigo cocked an eyebrow, "You know her, dude?"

"No, of course not," Rukia smoothly answered for Ichigo, waving gracefully before her delicately-crafted sheepish smiling face, "He must have me mistaken for someone vaguely familiar. I'm afraid I don't recall," Keigo ate that excuse up with a hearty nod, briefly closing his eyes and missing the smirk that sprung across Rukia's lips as a result, "May I borrow a book… um, Ichigo, is it?" He was almost attempted to buy in to Rukia's obvious fake façade if only to avoid the inevitable headache of having an otherworldly woman in his life would cause him, until she showed him her hand.

 _Make a scene and I'll kill you._

Everything cleared up like the rain.

Ugh, this was going to be a long day.

XxX

Elsewhere – Location Unknown

XxX

Threateningly skin-crawling pitch-black clouds and an eternal 'full silvery moon' hung high in the dark grey 'sky' above the vast wide open desert, endless amounts of sand coated in sickening multi-coloured blood, disembodied arms, legs and other such monstrous limps remained scattered about neck-deep in the bloody sands as though they were a twisted individual's warped concept of decorations. This altered version of a desert was not conventional in any sense of the word.

There was no day to its night. No heat to balance out the cold and no typical springs to evoke feelings of joy and relief. Only night and cold reigned eternally supreme in this realm and misery was what most felt. Unless you were this particular bear-like creature.

He didn't care less, gave no damns to what he was or that it was said he needed to apparently fill the void in his now missing heart. He never had that shit to begin with. In a world where the main quota was the 'Survivor of the fittest' only the strong survived and the weak perished like the worthless things they were in his not-so humble option.

"Man, that lousy teleporting guy ain't come back," The lips on his milky-white mask curled into a scowl of disgust, "Guess that means he's dead. Pssh, dumbass probably bit off more than he could chew," That was the prime problem with his kind. The vast majority were mindless, simple beasts craving the spirits of their _precious people_. Ugh. Most simply did not possess the presence of mind to realize just how severely outclassed they were when faced with a foe of substantial power.

The only thing they saw was a greatly filling meal they coveted to evolve past their primal states.

This was where Bobomaru tremendously differed from the average hollow-joe. Usually, upon becoming a hollow, one would be filled with the overwhelming, unbearable urge to fill the void left behind by their hearts and would instinctively covet their most cherished ones as a result. They didn't have a mind to distinguish right from wrong, or weak from strong.

Bobomaru was a rarity. He retained his intellect from when he was human and never once fostered any desire to devour his loved ones. Not that he had any, but still. He was aware and could tell when he was heavily outmatched. This was why he had endured for as long as he had. The average hollow's lifespan was little over a year, simply because most would usually get themselves purified by a Shinigami within the first day or few hours of becoming a hollow in some cases like the simple-minded thoughtless creatures they were.

Of course, being so aware had its downfalls. It tremendously hurt his pride having to run away.

"Ugh! If only I coulda eaten that little blond shit and his girlfriend!" He lamented, "I coulda evolved, if not for _him_!" Never mind that though. Bobomaru hated dwelling on the negatives. If nothing else, one could say he was positive, "Fuck it! I'm going hunting. I'm starved," He stood, tall and bulky like a true bear his built was distinctly inspired by, and flicked an annoyed paw off of open air, materializing a strange open void that made him grin hungrily.

"Oh yeah! Time to feast!"


	4. Next Level Hollow

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

"God-fucking-damn it!" Naruto ranted, still tenaciously tussling in vain to break free of his binds, spirit chain nothing more but a metal lid with a loose handle as it continued to dissolve bit by bit before his despairing but still very much determined gaze, "I won't die here, you hear me, asshole!"

"We're so screwed, Uzumaki," Kuwabara whined, practically in tears, "Shizuru, I'm so sorry in advance for eating you, big sis!"

"Stop being a bitch and c'mon!" Naruto commanded in a fierce tone, taking painful shots at his rival in an near desperate effort to keep him rallied, succeeding as the tears in Kuwabara's eyes dried from his heated annoyance.

"Oh, suck a dick, Uzumaki!" He demanded in return, putting a smirk on Naruto's face.

"There we go, see? Don't let that fire go out buddy! Quitting is for pussies, and that's one thing we ain't and won't ever will be!" Naruto declared.

Despite the likely prep talks Kuwabara himself was known to give the pompadour-headed honourable delinquent did not look moved by Naruto's vulgar speech of manly tenacity. Instead, his eyes were wide in the most profound deadpan expression known to man, "And I'm the one who speeches too much," Naruto sulked, "Cool story, bro, but how are we gonna get outta here?"

"Oh, you did NOT just gimme the 'Nice prep talk but I don't care' line'!"

"Whatever!" Kuwabara dismissed impatiently, further increasing Naruto's pout. "Got an idea to get us out of this mess or what!?"

Naruto ceased his admittedly petty brooding to hum thoughtfully to himself, and, despite struggling moments before just to crawl over to the edge of the near bottomless pit the two resided in, sat up in a leg-crossed stance, "Ummmmm," He was open for suggestions at this point, "Let's go over what we know so far."

"Uh-huh."

Flashback.

 _Well, they had to look at the positives. At least that was Naruto's mentality. He had always been an optimistic guy at heart and that wasn't changing, even now._

 _Regardless of whether Naruto was just grasping at straws, they were some silver-linings, minuscule as they were. For instance, their 'escort' within the mad spiritual comedian's pit of doom was generous enough to help them into a comfortable sitting position, and Kuwabara's legs weren't broken after all. Small potatoes, but worth patting themselves on the backs._

" _Man, fuck that guy!" Naruto ranted, thrashing in place._

" _Yeah, he's a dick," Kuwabara agreed._

 _Tessai let out a much-needed sigh he hadn't realized he needed to let out until that moment, "Please excuse the master's more… immature tendencies."_

 _Having someone associated to their tormentor actually acknowledge his douchebaggery had the pleasing effect of making the two badboys feel justified in their contempt of him, though on the flipside having someone close to their antagonist apologize for his behaviour after they had just bad mouthed him made them feel rotten and petty. Both hotshot delinquents shifted awkwardly in their places._

" _Uh, it's fine, man," Naruto accepted, guilty conscious making him wave Kisuke's ridicule of him aside, "But seriously, though!? What the fuck's wrong with that guy?"_

" _Yeah, I'd like to know too!"_

" _He's like the sick love child of Bugs Bunny and the Joker!"_

" _I know, right!"_

 _Tessai sighed, once more at Kisuke's sadistic nature of pranking those around him, "The master has a brilliant mind, a genius-level intellect but instead of using his intelligence to mostly help people he prefers to utilize this to mock and ridicule them."_

" _So, he really is a troll," Naruto deadpanned, outright stating rather than asking._

 _Tessai sighed, "Essentially."_

" _Why did I come here again?" Kuwabara questioned miserably, more to himself with a good mental kick in his rear._

" _Why did I listen to old man Isshin?" Naruto said, also berating himself for his misjudgement, "I mean, nobody listens to Isshin! He's an idiot! I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the old guy as much as the next potential son-in-law loves his old man in law. He's soooo cool, when it comes to me dating his girls, so long as I treat 'em right, which I DO! He's just an idiot," He rambled on, finally nodding full of content in his assessment of Isshin as he imagined he was crossing his arms. Wide, blank blues eyes opened not a moment later, "Wait. What were we talking about again?"_

" _Idiot."_

" _This is coming from the guy who scored a 7, hm?"_

"' _Least I don't-!"_

" _Fiftyyyyyyyyyyyy-one, Kuwabara!~"_

" _Ugh!"_

 _One would've assumed Tessai to feel awkward, even just a little bit, from seeing what basically amounted to his people's worshipped legend acting in very unconventional manner unlike that of an ascended being granted rebirth by the king of all, but he was seasoned. He understood despite someone's overwhelming strength, even being godlike, they were still people at the very core of their beings. He had witnessed this through the many decades he had existed. It was nothing new. Quite the contrary of shocking him of seeing a naturally flawed godlike individual, it gave him a better appreciation of the delicate balance of life. It was true no one was born equally. There would always be someone better than another at a particular activity or sport. This was why celebrities existed because they were naturally more gifted at what they did while others just weren't._

 _That was as true as the grass being green in whichever world it grew in limitlessly._

 _Even still, though, the personalities of everyone, godlike beings and talented beings, was one thing Tessai was certain would remain relatively on equal footing, because nobody was perfect. They could be born with sheer godly excellence, but not with total perfection._

" _Would you like me to explain the process of advancing in your evolution, young master?"_

" _Oh, god yes!" Naruto emphasized, "Please! Do! That could, surprise-surprise, actually help us a bit!"_

" _Asshole troll coulda told us that much, at least," Kuwabara mumbled his agreement sourly._

 _Tessai admirably maintained his cool, calm wise elder-like composure in despite of the increasing hostility directed to his master and dear friend, "To specify on the master's admittedly unnecessarily cryptic solution, to free oneself from the encroachment process, you must succeed in locating your Zanpakato companion spirit that resides deep within the core of your being."_

 _Perhaps it was due to Naruto's severely limited pool of friends his own age, but his mind instantly focused on the implication of a spirit living within him, "Zanpakuto buddy?" There were two understanding nods, surprisingly, prompting Naruto to turn to his fellow trapped escapee, "Wait. YOU know this thing?"_

" _Sorta," Kuwabara groused, not liking the emphasized tone of astounded disbelief that his rival used on the word you, as if saying someone so low on the food chain shouldn't know anything in regards to important information, "Remember when I brought up those… 'Quincy-dorks'?" In Naruto's unique words, positively choked out in Kuwabara's gruff voice, as if just mentioning them was enough to make him sick to his stomach._

" _Yeah." Still needed to find out what they were. There was obviously a story to be told. Kuwabara's contempt for the likely spiritual combatants was as evident as the air around them._

" _My family's always been attuned with the spiritual side of things," Naruto made absolutely certain to pay explicit attention to that statement, using his willpower to fight against his short attention span to hone precisely on what wasn't said, for that said a whole lot more._

 _Kuwabara was a Quincy, but either felt ashamed or resented his Quincy heritage. That much was as clear as the azure sky without any of the myriad of gloomy clouds spawned about by a particularly rainy day._

 _The reasons pertaining to the tall Junior High Schooler subtly keeping his lineage to himself, however, was rooted deep, not something Naruto fancied his chances of delving into. It may have been the general consensus that Naruto was the greatest of the worst kind of douchebag to ever saunter across Karakura Town, but even he wasn't THAT insensitive to anyone's personal problems, unless they were self-pitying in their own problems._

 _God help them if they were._

" _I see." Which was all he could really say on the matter._

" _My Mom was even a Shinigami."_

" _Shinigami?" Azure sky-clear eyes lit-up with exciting interest, "You mean like death god? God's escort and all that jazz?" Kuwabara nodded, "Why didn't ya tell me you were the off spring of a legit god! That's totally wicked, man!~"_

 _Kuwabara's face was reflection of scepticism, "And have YOU brag that you're tougher than a son of a Shinigami? Hell no!"_

" _Whatttttt?" Naruto drawled out in an amused tone, clearly appalled with the – in his mind – single-minded conclusion of his reaction to Kuwabara's lineage, "No. I'm already awesome. I know that. My baby girls know that. YOU know that," He waved in finality, "Shoving it down your throat anymore than that would just be overkill."_

" _Fuck off."_

 _Naruto chuckled, "So what is this Zanpakuto-spirit?"_

" _Not sure exactly," There was a reluctant sadness to his eyes, "I know it's a weapon of some kind, but beyond that," He glided his head from side to side, bottom lip plucking out in a face, "Nothing. Mom passed before I could really learn anything from her."_

" _Shit. Sorry to hear that, pal."_

" _Cool._ _Thanks." He accepted, just not to appear as ungrateful and turned, piercing gaze penetrating Tessai's guarded one impassively, effectively deflecting the conversation. He had mourned enough over his deceased mother days and weeks after she'd passed, which happened as early as his elementary school days. He was well over her passing now and focused on what he had to do to set her spirit at ease._

 _Tessai caught Kuwabara's subtle eluding to him of the voice of the dictionary on all things spiritual related, "Yes, you are correct in believing that the Zanpakuto spirit will manifest as a weapon reflection of the wielder's true self."_

" _Ah, so the spirit and the weapon are one in the same," Naruto nodded to himself in self-satisfaction._

" _Indeed," Tessai clarified, "And one must locate their Zanpakuto spirit if they wish to ascend to their natural Shinigami forms."_

" _Alright, I'm with ya," Naruto grinned widely, fascination giving way to excitement at the prospect of reaching out to a reflection of himself just waiting to bestow him abilities that were perfectly suited to his style and terrifyingly amazing to anyone who faced him. He was awesome; the bodies left in the wake of his countless usurps of the many gang territories in Karakura Town backing up his talk, so naturally any powers birthed from his awesome might of brilliance had to have been tremendously overpowered._

 _And wow! Was he really THAT arrogant? Damn, no wonder people thought he was an asshole._

 _Naruto chuckled sheepishly at his own sudden self-reflection, paying no heed to Kuwabara's suspicious look, "So how do we reach our… uh, inner spirits?"_

 _Tessai folded his hands together in the sign of a buddha's pray as though he were mentally preparing himself, "Three methods," The ruffians held their breath, gazes following a single finger lofted in the air, "First method, make peace with oneself and rely solely on one's Zanpakuto. To simplify, one must trust their Zanpakuto to come to their aid, content to perish if any phenomenon out of the Zanpakuto spirit's control forces its hand."_

 _He steeled himself, as if already knowing their reactions, and met their gazes, and lo and behold, it was as he predicted. Both boys looking far less than enthused with the most bizarre of dry expressions plastered on their faces, pupils momentarily vanishing._

" _Uh, what're the other options?" Naruto asked, almost hesitatingly._

 _Tessai sighed within the realm of his mind, fully expectant of such an answer from a young bullheaded teenager. He couldn't ever see any teen opting to use method A. It wasn't easy and was pretty complicated, demanding the participant be both trusting and forgiving, harbouring no ill will of consequences that could potentially befall them as a result of their Zanpakuto's lack of action. Even if the slightest doubt slipped into their hearts, they could count themselves out of luck._

 _Their Zanpakuto spirits wouldn't emerge._

 _Method A was also severely lacking any 'cool' values to really tickle a young Shinigami-trainee's intrigue, sounded cheesy and just came off as pretentious._

" _Second method, force your Zanpakuto spirit to submit through sheer force of will."_

 _That rearranged their frowns like the flip of a light switch, "Oh hell yeah! Now you're talking my language!" Naruto smirked, "This is straight up my alley."_

" _Fuck yeah." Kuwabara agreed, "This is exactly my cup of tea. No one has more determination than I do!"_

 _Naruto took that as a challenge, "Oh really?"_

 _Kuwabara scoffed, dismissing Naruto's sensitive ego, "Please! We both know I'm the most determined!" He faltered when offering his reasoning of his indisputable tenacity, "I mean, I keep coming back for more no matter how times you hand me my ass!"_

 _Naruto hid a dried, sly smile with a blatant swift of his head, "Yeah, I guess that takes real determination," If that was any consolation, which it wasn't; Kuwabara's grumbling proving that much, "But I'm still gonna be the first one to make his Zanpakuto pal bow before his excellence!"_

 _Kuwabara's eyes shone, emitting that all too familiar competitive light signalling a showdown was on between them, "Wanna bet?"_

 _Naruto smirked._

" _Name your price."_

" _How about loser buys the winner lunch?"_

" _Cool," Naruto smirked savagely, "Guess that means you're buying me Ramen today, bitch!"_

" _Pssh, as if, dickhead! You're buying ME a double decker cheeseburger!"_

" _Fat chance! The day you beat me is the day monkeys actually take over the world."_

" _We'll just see about that, Uzumaki!"_

" _Yeah, we will."_

 _Before either boy could hunker down in the first layer of their minds to make headway of accomplishing their agreed-upon wager of beating the other to their Zanpakuto first, the obnoxious, loud buzzing sound of detonating metal caught their ears._

" _What's that?" Blue eyes held curiosity, blond spiky head roaming the small area around its proximity to locate the source of the disturbance. Due to the echo of the pit the sound was extended to seemingly all around them._

 _Kuwabara traced the falling remnants of shredded metal falling into his lap to his chain-of-fate, eyes widening in panicked alarm, "Oh, no," Curious azure eyes shifted his way, giving way to concern at the horrified visage that awaited their view, "L-Look at our chains."_

 _There would've been no better time for a handy placed time-machine to go back in time and punch himself before he could look down, all so he wouldn't feel so ghostly pale and terrified to the vomiting sight of his chain literally being chewed to bits and pieces by what looked like the equivalent of termites at a frequent pace, "W-What the hell is this shit?!"_

" _Oh, you noticed the Encroachment Process! Splendid!"_

 _Naruto jerked his head to him, startled, "The 'What' process?"_

" _Encroachment: The transition in which a spirit loses its Chain of Fate and becomes a hollow."_

" _What the fuck's a hollow?!"_

"… _Oh, god," Kuwabara's shuddering breaths reinforced the gravity of their situation, "…I know what they are. T-They're like demons, man! 'Cept they're just human spirits who lose their chains."_

 _Naruto's eyes widened in alarm, "What?"_

" _Oh!" The following echo did not come from within the pit, but right above their heads, and it was the all too familiar voice both memorized as their tormentor. Bloods boiling rapidly to a seething, bubbly degree, their apprehensively heated gazes met the shadowed gleeful glance of one Kisuke Urahara, "That's right, Mr Kuwabara! And both of you will indefinitely be joining the hollow's wonderful, I assure you, society if you don't find your 'true selves' in roughly about three days!~"_

" _So that's what you meant about that three day shit! Son of bitch!" Naruto realized._

 _A grin stretched wide across Kisuke's lips, but not of the approving kind of a senior possibly complimenting his young upcoming protégée on his quick-thinking, but of the shit-eating, all-knowing variety of him loving Naruto's frustration, "Better hurry! You wouldn't wanna become a hollow. We would be forced to," Voice dramatically lowering for spooky effect, Kisuke ended, "Kill you." Then it brightened, "I'm certain you would approve, unless you want to devour your love ones."_

" _What?"_

" _Oh! Did I forget to mention that little tidbit of information? Hollows, upon emerging in their glorious new demonic masked forms, will not only have their hearts removed but also conscious minds. As I'm sure you can imagine this has the most unfortunate side effect of filling the hollow with the truly irresistible sensation to consume its loved ones, all to fill the void. Tragic, right?!"_

" _Very!" Naruto roared back in similar sarcasm, widening Kisuke's sardonic grin. Naruto growled belligerently, renewing his thrashing, wiggling his trapped arms in a desperate bid to power his way free of Kisuke's voodoo-like spell, "Ugh, Whatever! I'm still not gonna die here! I won't become a hollow-thing!" A blue glow shrouded Naruto's form, much to the shock of Kuwabara and Tessai, "I won't hurt Yuzu or Karin! Not after I swore to protect 'em!"_

 _The strange, mysterious azure outline coating the blond's body intensified, brightening to the extent it even overshadowed the eerily green hue of the pit and began to lighten the blond's whole body in its entirety._

" _Go, Uzumaki!" Kuwabara urged, not caring about the bet they had agreed upon all of a few moments ago._

 _Naruto yelled the kind of war-like cry one would expect from a Super Saiyan or just a Z-warrior in general powering-up, and he could feel it; feel himself tenaciously pulling himself along to a source of a power he instinctively knew could help him out of this jam. A white light so blinding it was as if he was staring in the ass of the sun itself, awaited him at the end of a vertical tunnel, but just before he could reach it he hit a wall of sorts. He didn't know how to explain it. One moment he was flying along, practically soaring like a rocket to stop before his Zanpakuto spirit, and the next he felt his essence slamming into something as if a wall had suddenly dropped from above._

 _He plummeted, dejected eyes opening to the outside world and the otherworldly glow fading from his frame._

" _Damn it."_

 _XxX_

End of Flashback

"Fuck! I was so close then, too!" He had very right to still feel a hard sore spot from his one failed attempt of forcing his way through to his Zanpakuto spirit. "One" being "only" try in this case. He hadn't managed to replicate his DBZ-like flare of power since spontaneously doing it. Even when questioned by Kuwabara and further prodded by Tessai to recall his steps to its activation he didn't have an answer.

It just… happened.

There was no prompt that could even hint to Naruto's attempt of an emergence. One moment he was seething in fury to Kisuke's goading, wishing with all his being for heat vision to incinerate the bucket-shaped hat wearing store owner and his sardonic grin, and the next he was erupting with power the likes of which were supremely familiar to him like his life in general.

"Was it the anger?" Naruto theorized, eyes squinted in his usual eccentric take of a contemplative expression. It was the only thing that added up; the one detail that stuck out and could've been the trigger for his attempt at ascendancy. Beside his failures to recreate his power-up, he also couldn't reproduce the initial rage he felt during the attempt of levelling up.

That was reason enough to assume being angry had a hand in forcing his Zanpakuto spirit to submit, and not just the mild irritation one felt from hearing a painfully bad joke but the kind of immense rage that would make one want to murder the object of his fury to prompt such animosity so terribly.

That kind of pure, unadulterated fury could not be replicated so easily, especially not from any of Kuwabara's insults. Not when they just ended up tickling his funny bone for the most part. Interestingly enough, though, Kuwabara hadn't exploded from any kind of inner fury from Naruto's jabs. Considering he had been Naruto's whipping boy for the better half of a decade since the two boys encountered each other one eventful evening, Kuwabara's lack of natural irritation to Naruto was definitely something to take note of.

Maybe they were closer than he thought?

Meh.

"Hey, what do you thin-?" He turned to get his frenemy's input on his one-time try for transcendence, words falling from his gaping mouth and breath officially no longer in his lungs, "What?" Whiskered-cheeked countenance highlighted by a bright, medium green hue, the blond gawked in silent awe, "Whoa…"

Although as incredible as it was seeing a charge of power from the viewer's perspective instead of being the one doing it Naruto still had to wonder why Kuwabara's display varied wildly from his, almost like he was looking at the mirror opposite of his demonstration.

"Uh, why's he not screaming like he's constipated?" Come to think of it too, his shroud was different. Unlike Naruto's ragged and spiky azure blue outline, Kuwabara's emerald-green hue was smooth, circulating around his entire body like a calm ocean.

Weird.

"So, he's figured it out, has he?" Kisuke said in the comfort of his lazy boy chair on the main floor of his store, a soft smile etched on his face as he gently fanned himself, "Just in time to," He looked up to the ceiling, but not AT the ceiling, "He has the perfect opponent too!" Though that task was probably way out of his league given the creature's power being comparable to a few of Soul Society's noticeable warriors, but meh, what didn't kill him would only make him stronger in the long run.

All for character building in Kisuke's sadistic mind.

"Ah!~ Looks like Mr Hollow has himself another punc-. I mean opponent to face off with first!~" He mock-cringed sensing the clear vast difference in strength decidedly in the hollow's favour, "Man, I wouldn't wanna be in that guy's shoes. He's in for a thorough ass-whooping."

xXx

Jesus Never Dies

 **C**

 **H**

 **A**

 **P**

 **T**

 **E**

 **R**

 **FOUR**

xXx

Next Level Hollow

(Elsewhere – Location Unknown)

Colour the petite, currently nigh-powerless shinigami impressed, even moved by Ichigo's from-the-heart speech. Of all the reactions she expected – which was limited to the rational acceptance of his duties – she didn't expect the sheer defiance of good natured intent to do what one thought was right.

When she rendezvoused with Ichigo on the rooftop of his school to hash out the terms of their "agreement" for him to take up her duties in her stride he was understandably adamant about absolutely avoiding stepping into her world, even only temporarily until she regained her strength.

The only reason they were even in the park encountering a hollow was because Rukia forced his Shinigami form from his living body and dragged him off campus to the source of the disturbance, literally kicking and screaming. That was where they found a small deceased child being chased by a hollow very reminiscent of a spider.

Ichigo reacted on his natural instincts, rushing forward to save the boy, and when Rukia tried to lecture him on the importance of defending all souls and not just the ones he just happens to conveniently come across, he ended up giving her a lecture in return, using her rescue of him and his family as a basis.

She had to admit, he made a pretty good argument. She didn't plunge forward, risking her neck to save him out of duty, but because she knew it was the right thing to do; that just leaving him to be devoured when she had the power to prevent it would be low and cowardly.

A small smile graced her delicate features, covered by the bangs of her hair, 'This boy.' He preferred to react rather than think. He would clearly grow up to be a man of deliberate action. The footsteps of her companion drew her from her musings of his reactionary character, her head raising to meet his calmed scowl, "Ichigo-."

She never got to finish. The very environment itself decided to interrupt the duo's potential moment of understanding, warping the very air around them as though they were looking at a TV with terrible reception. The ground beneath their feet shook, vibrating rapidly like all of the solid surface they stood upon was the world's biggest electric chair going out of control.

"What the-?" Rukia shifted trembling gazes around them, trying to ascertain the source of the panicking disturbance, 'Is it _them_? Has Soul Society found out I lost my power so soon?' No, that couldn't be right. The artificial body which now housed her spirit was untraceable, so who could cause such an influx with their mere presence-.

 _ **Beep. Beep.**_

Rukia's heart dropped at the alert of her pager.

"What the hell?!" Mind scrambling, digging, for answers nowhere in sight, Ichigo felt his shoulders weighed down as if a force was pressed onto them, forcing him into a hunched over position all the while feeling like a hand had a firm but not too tight grasp around his throat, "W-What's going on?"

"A hollow?!" Rukia's exclamation had him widening his eyes.

"Seriously!?" Ichigo all but demanded in return, trying to will his palm to cease shaking uncontrollably, 'This is nuts!' All his primal warrior instincts inherited from ancestors he never knew weren't just telling him, they were _screaming_ at him extremely loudly to _run;_ to not even meet the gaze of the predator subjecting them to such sheer pressure.

This was a hollow, of the same kind of the first two he one-shotted with ease? The wide, gaping, gap in power was Incomprehensible; the equivalent of playing a match of a fighting game on easy then immediately jumping on over to ultra-hard.

Ichigo felt completely out of his depth, 'I'm screwed,' He could feel a silver of his cold sweat rolling agonizingly down his cheek, to and across his chin.

Rukia met his panicked gaze with a solemn one of her own, "We have to move Ichigo," Not waiting a response, she grabbed hold of Ichigo's wrist and pulled him along, trying to reach the other side of the park as fast as their legs would carry them, "There's no way you can beat this holl-."

Their path was _swiftly_ barred by an imposing wall of substantial mass and height shadowing them in a huge intimidating shadow. The only indication that the mammoth of a beast had even triggered movement instead of being there the whole time was an audible "boom" like that of a stereo set going full blast.

'Oh no,' Rukia mused, eyes full of dread, 'It's worse than I thought.' Not only did the hollow possess spirit energy reserves comparable to her at full power, but he also had a speed technique comparable to the Shinigami's, as if they wasn't royally screwed already. She was powerless and Ichigo was still entirely inexperience.

When the towering animalistic hollow of palpable power turned its head to them, revealing its decidedly bear-shaped milky white mask it hollered nuances that shone its previous human form through, but was still incredibly threatening all the same.

" **Hell yeah! Hit the jackpot with this one**!"

xXx

(Somewhere else – Location Unspecified)

Standing awestruck among the myriad of lush greenery and healthy trees was Kuwabara, now freed of the bounds that had imprisoned him within Kisuke's quickening encroachment pit of absolute doom.

"W-What?" He uttered, left breathless both from the serene calm and beauty of the environment he now found himself in that acted as an stark contest to the gloom of the pit and the fact that he had actually escaped it before succumbing to his hollow urges, "Did… did I do it?"

"Indeed you did, Honourable Warrior," Kuwabara nearly flinched, tracing the sound of a mature voice to a tree to his far left. From it emerged a tall, stocky white-haired elder, with a five o'clock shadow, wearing a snow-white kimono robe opened to display his massive chest, loose-fitting hakama and wooden sandals fitted neatly upon his feet. Essentially, the perfect replica of a warrior Kuwabara had moulded himself after to assure he stayed on the morally white road, which most likely meant the elder was one thing all things he had learnt considered.

"Are you?" He lifted a finger, pointing shakily to the hulking elder, "My?"

The old man offered him a serene smile, a tad bit sheepish, "Well, yes. One of them that is."

That was all Kuwabara needed to hear, "Yesssssssss!" He erupted, dropping to his knees, throwing his head back and swinging his arms upward in his joy, "Finally!"

His Zanpakuto spirit chuckled lightly, "Yes, Honourable Warrior. You performed admirably, overcoming the Encroachment process before operation Hollowifcation could begin there afterward."

"No, you don't understand!" Kuwabara denied, eliciting a blink of the eyes from his Zanpakuto. He raised his head, meeting his Zanpakuto's patient glance with a teary-eyed look of overjoyed happiness, "I finally beat Uzumaki at something!"

"Oh?" The elder wiped the imaginary sweat from his cheek. As he was a part of Kuwabara he was well aware of his wielder's track record against his rival.

"Jeez Kazu-chan!~ S'not that big of a deal," A cheerful, feminine voice stated, actually doing something no one other than his aunt had done before and referred to him by his abbreviated first name rather than his surname. Atop a branch dropped a young petite, slender girl, landing on the towering elder's shoulder, raspberry-coloured hair styled in a wild pony tail. She wore a sleeveless light pink dress stopping at her knees over a short-sleeved white t shirt tied tightly to her surprisingly curvy frame by a black sash. Tucked upon her feet were pink-striped sneakers.

"It IS a big deal!" Kuwabara argued, "Uzumaki always beats me in everything! Fighting, sports, schoolwork, tig-and-tag, even hide-and-seek when we were little kids!" He didn't know how Naruto did, but to suffice to say he did. Kuwabara could understand losing to Naruto in a game of tag given the speed difference in Naruto's favour, as much as that hurt his pride to admit, but how did he always know where he was hiding in hide-and-seek?

Was he a bloodhound?

"Finally, I have the bragging rights now," Kuwabara insisted, clenching his fist tightly with a smirk etching across his lips, "Lemme have this, will ya?"

She eyed the lumbering giant of a schoolboy with mirth dancing in her leaf-green eyes, "Woooow," She drawled out mockingly, "So, you're a loser."

Kuwabara twitched, "W-Wha-? N-No…! Shut up!"

She made the sound of a gunshot as she shaped her finger and thumb to resemble a pistol, "Triggered!~"

"I'm not triggered!"

"Alright, alright. Settle down the pair of you," Being the adult it naturally fell on him to be the voice of reason between the three of them. Kuwabara huffed, looking away in exasperation much to the little girl's amusement as she snickered, "Now, now," A word seemingly left his moving lips, but zero sound came out, "You should not aggravate the Honourable Warrior. We have been anticipating his arrival for too long to leave an inadequate impression on him now."

"Aw, c'mon…" Once again, a word left the petite girl's lips that Kuwabara was seemingly deafened to before the sound resumed seamlessly, "-It's so fun messing with him! When he gets flustered like that!" She hugged herself, "Adorable!~"

"What?" Kuwabara uttered, entirely puzzled.

The bubblegum-haired spirit looked over to him curiously, "Whaddya mean Kazu-chan?"

Kuwabara made several wild arm gestures as if trying to illustrate a point, "When you say each other's names," He mentioned, "It's like you mute each other or something, just so I can't get 'em." He crossed his arms, not liking his theory in the least.

She made an "O" with her mouth, "Oh!~ I see. Yep. You're not ready to hear our names, Kazu-chan." The fun-loving girl giggled when the lumbering would-be Shinigami tilted his head to one side, looking positively adorable.

"Huh?"

"Learning our names in their entirety is quintessential for achieving the first stage of our evolution, the Shikai," The elder explained.

"Blah! Blah! Blah!" The pinkette pantomimed, decidedly establishing herself as the impatient one of the two, making the mouthy motion with her flapping left palm, "Do you always gotta explain stuff in such a roundabout way?" Ignoring the elder's comedic expression of shame she turned to Kuwabara with a comforting smile, "But yeah, to summarize the old goat's winded explanation; learn our names, level up." She beamed, "Easy, right?"

"Oh, I see!" Kuwabara nodded along, slamming a fist into an open palm. Eyes abruptly widened in recognition moment later, turning to the bubblegum-haired spirit in hesitation to which she blinked at him in return, "Wait, you can't be my other Zanpakuto?"

"How rude!" She made a show of balling her fists up, "I'm totally your Zanpakuto!"

"B-But, b-but, that can't be right!"

"Why?"

"Well, I mean," He fumbled, awkwardly pushing his fingers together, "Ain't Zanpakutos meant to be a reflection of the shinigami's true self, or something?" What did that say about him if one of his Zanpakuto spirits was the embodiment of a little girl?

A sly grin crept across her lips, briefly tucking her arms underneath her chin atop the elder's shoulder, "Oh, I get it! Mr Tough guy doesn't want to admit he's girly," At Kuwabara's flinch, she outstretched her arms, intertwined at the fingers in content, "Yep, I say I hit the nail right on the head."

"Fuck off! I'm not girly!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too times infinitely!"

"Am not times infinitely!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!" Kuwabara rambled on instinctively, until he realized he had been played by the girl's emerald eyes curving mischievously to resemble cat's slits, "Wait…! I mean-! UGH!" He threw his head back in frustration, pulling at his ginger locks, eliciting a chortle from his childish Zanpakuto.

"You're too easy!"

Kuwabara glared at her, "How do I get outta here already?"

"Aw, leaving already, Kazu-chan? We were just starting to get along too."

"Ugh!"

"Of course, Honourable Warrior," The elder offered him a sympathetic smile. Extending his arm forward, a bright cloud-white light materialized in his palm, vaguely forming the shape of a long pole-like object, "Come. Accept us as your partners in battle and we will do you no wrong." The little girl abruptly materialized a similar lengthy condense light over her palm.

Kuwabara nodded, sobered gaze now lacking the comedic frustration and hysterical joy in them moments before as he strode forward, stopping before the hulking figure of his mature Zanpakuto spirit. He lifted his head, meeting the similar steady stare of the elder and the euphoric one of the little girl, "Well, then," He steeled himself, enveloping his hands in the twin lights with determined grasps, "Looking forward to working with ya, I guess."

XxX

"Holy fuck!"

The intensity of the literal white-hot light near blinded the soon-to-be last-man trapped, forcing him to shut the eye nearest to the birthplace of solar radiation, lest he run the risk of potentially losing his sight. Pain, pure, natural agony like he had never experienced before, assaulted his mental barriers, ploughing them down like a tsunami flooding a major city, burning his retina as though he was flashed by a solar flare.

"Gah! It burns!" Naruto screamed. The sad part was, his hands were tied behind his back so he couldn't even shield his eyes. The most he could do to prevent permanent eye damage was forcibly jerk his head away from the retina-damaging light blast of absolute annihilation, "Turn off the light already, damn it!"

As though god was answering his prey, the ferocity of the white-hot light dimmed, pain slowly leaking out of his senses and the brightness off his eyelids fading to its usual shadowy darkness he stared at whenever he closed his eyes.

"Man, that strung!" Naruto breathed aloud, blinking rapidly in an effort to clear the spots out of his vision, "Hey, you coulda warned me you were about to turn into the human flare, ass-!"

His temporarily impaired vision took an immediate backseat when he rotated his head to bitch out his frenemy for the fatal light show he may or may not intentionally put on, bitchy complaint slipping from his tongue at the complete contrasting form of the taller boy that emerged from his blinding white light shell.

Kuwabara stood tall, even taller in the metaphorical sense in the way he carried himself, brimming with composed silent pride. Gone was the milky-white spirit kimono he previously wore and in its place was a slick, edgy black shihakusho held closed by a white sash, the only semblance of his former attire in spiritual form. Naturally, the additions on his person that instantly caught the blond's sky-blue eyes were his weapons, materialized from thin air.

Strapped to both of his hips were two near identical long pole-sized scabbards, distinguished by their colours and their kanjis representing the elements of wind and fire. The blades themselves were long curved clear-view hued samurai swords, having one side of each blade covered in black kanji of their element and that side faintly shadowed in a grey hue, and the handle of each blade was straight, though the wind blade's handle was green while the other was red.

"Whoa…" Naruto murmured, "Awesome."

Kuwabara heard Naruto's quiet admiration for his dual Zanpakuto and smirked, meeting the blond's awestruck stare, "Guess who owns me a double decker cheeseburger, punk?"

Naruto pouted, turning away from Kuwabara's victorious grin, "Show off."

"Look who's talking."

After a moment passed in which Kuwabara gleefully revelled in his rare superiority over his rival and said rival sulking, the two boys sobered, the latest emerged Shinigami positioning his green-hilted sword atop his shoulder and the Shinigami-still-in-training shuffling in place.

"Hey," Kuwabara's sombre voice warranted his attention, "You think you can still get out?" He beamed a nonchalant glance to the last remaining fragment of Naruto's chain of fate.

Even giving his pot lid-like chain a prolong stare confirming how little remaining time he had left before transforming into a hollow the shiny hardened glow of steely resolve never once left Naruto's eyes, "Heh." He grinned confidently, "Who d'you think I am? OF COURSE I'll make it out and back be to kicking your butt as usual, got it?"

A wave of nostalgia blasted Kuwabara full of force when he caught the fiery hue of natural determination in his eyes, reminding him of the neutral times they had shared swaggering through their neighbourhood together and how both of them felt capable of taking on the world and all it threw at them.

"Humph." He turned from him impassively, "You better. Don't wanna have to tell your girls how their 'bae' bit the dust."

"And you won't."

"Who else am I gonna beat up?"

"You mean who else IS gonna beat you up?"

For once, Kuwabara laughed at the hard realization of his win/loss ratio against Naruto, "Just get out soon, man. I mean it."

Naruto sobered, looking up at the artificial sky, "Like I said, count on it."


	5. Beauty and the Horny Beast

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

 **Warning: This chapter is as sexual as the chapter's title implied. Intentions of rape.**

* * *

Dialling rapidly blared in the chilled air of the afternoon day, followed shortly by a ring.

And another.

And another.

"Oh come on, Naruto!" Yuzu fretted away, tapping her foot impatiently upon the concrete ground she stood on, phone held between her ear and anxiously shaking palm, "Pick up!"

The dialling abruptly ceased, and the sounds of rummaging emerged through the speaker followed by a slothful yawn of an unmistakable voice.

"Hello…?" He asked, though his voice sounded suspiciously questioning.

"Oh, Naruto-kun! Thank goodness! I was so worried," Yuzu's eyes lit up, wide and bright like the sun itself, "Where were you? I was-?"

"Hello?" The blond said, this time with an urgent annoyance as though he thought someone was pulling a call prank on him.

"Naruto, it's m-." Yuzu stopped herself from clarifying when she remembered Naruto's prankster nature, "This… this is voicemail, isn't it Naruto-kun?"

"Hello!" Similar song and dance, though instead have asked he demanded with a drawled out mocking echo, promptly causing the girl on the other end of the line to frown deeply. She didn't have to wait long before the punchline followed, "Ha! Just kidding! This ain't me! It's only voic-." Though she didn't wait to hear it all out too knowing it would have only irritated her more than she already was, slamming her flip up cell phone shut.

"Gah! That jerk!" She raged in the most adorable way possible, complete with stomping her foot and puffing out her cheek, "See if he gets any of mine cooking soon!"

"No luck, sis," Her sister said, sauntering across a street nonchalantly sipping on a carton of juice. Upon stopping beside her twin, she handed her a spare she had been holding in her free hand, getting a grateful smile from her in return.

"Nuh-uh." Yuzu delicately shook her head, pulling the straw from her carton of juice free with a strained yank, putting the end of said straw in her mouth and pulling on the end of it with her left hand, ripping the wrapping from it, "I just don't get it, Karin-chan! Where could he be?" She stabbed the straw into the concealed hole on her carton, propping the other end on the tips of her soft lips and taking a short sip, the cool, refreshing tasty liquid soothing her throat and mind, "Aah."

"I think Dad may know something."

Yuzu looked up from her drink, "What makes you say that?"

"He was acting pretty suspicious, like he knew something we don't," Karin began to reason, "You remember how I told you I found Naruto in the park moping about something Scarface said to him?" A nod was her response, "Well after I kicked his butt back into shape Dad came to pick me up, only when I got in his jeep he got out to talk to Naruto privately about something."

"Are you sure Daddy wasn't just giving Naru the 'man-to-man' talk?" Yuzu joked, breaking into a fit of cute snickers. This was a topic she and her sister had routinely jested about for quite a while now, and every time it never failed to rouse a laugh from her.

Karin waved her hand in dismal, "Nah. He acted too strangely for that to be the case."

"Really?" Yuzu asked, wide eyes askance.

Karin nodded sternly, "Yeah, he was," She took a confound sip of her juice, unsure how to put her theory into words, "Off…?" Yuzu tilted her head, eyeing her sister in curiosity. Karin, in response to Yuzu's light prodding, took another sip of her juice to smooth out her thoughts, "He didn't act like himself, y'know? When I asked him what's up, he didn't go off on one of his tangents. He just... didn't say anything."

Pondering the implications of Isshin's potential hand in Naruto's wayward whereabouts caused Yuzu's head to spin slightly, prompting her to rest the flat of her palm against her forehead, tipping her head, "Why does all this have to be so darn complicated?"

"Anything involving that Knucklehead is a headache," Karin countered with a fond smile.

"True," Yuzu agreed, shaking out her head, "Why hasn't Daddy told us what he spoke with Naruto about?"

"Don't know," Karin replied, eyes glittering stoutly, "But i'm gonna find out though."

Similarly, Yuzu smirked with tenacity, "We both will!"

"That's for damned sure!"

The girls shared a quirky, cartons-based toast of their agreed course of action, knocking their cartons once together in a show of solidarity before simultaneously sipping on their straws.

* * *

A nonchalant smile of contentment swept easily across the storeowner's lips as he heard the opening of his underground hatch opening up, followed by a heavy sigh of annoyance.

"I guess this is the part where I congratulate you for being the first one to complete my little trial I like to call 'the way of the Shinigami'," He stated, leisurely fanning himself until a sharp regular-sized blade was shoved in his face, "Whoa!"

"Son of a bitch!" Kuwabara raged, "Gimme one good reason why I shouldn't cut you for that shit you put me through!"

Kisuke nervously lofted a single finger up in the air, trembling, "In my defence, it wouldn't have been an easy task explaining the near life and death process of becoming a Shinigami without potentially scaring either or both of you away."

"That's all the more reason why you should've told us, asshole!" Kuwabara countered, thrusting the tip of his flame-based Zanpakuto sharply up Kisuke's nostrils, eliciting a terrified yelp from him in return, "Least let us know what we're up against before just throwing in naked."

"Ah, but as I mentioned, an on-hand explanation may have potentially scared you off the program."

Kuwabara scoffed, pulling his spiritual weapon of heat away from Kisuke's face much to the latter's visible relief and situating it on his shoulder, "Pssh! Who d'you think we are, buddy? Our resolve ain't so weak that we would turn from the first sign of danger!"

Kisuke pressed his palm against his heart, taking in slow, deep breaths in a bid to return it to its normal leisured rates of beats, "But at least you're a Shinigami now!~" He offered, trying to appease Kuwabara's temper, "Wasn't that the main goal of seeking me out?"

Kuwabara's countenance twisted in a grimacing frown. Ultimately, he did get what he desired out of his journey to seek out the spiritualist; to awaken his dormant Shinigami prowess inherited from his deceased mother, hopefully putting an abrupt end to his nightmarish predictions.

"I guess." Seeing his tormentor grinning widely and pumping a fist in the air victoriously, the part that was still sore at him for all the trauma he had subjected him to just had to throw a wet blanket on his parade, "I'm still pissed at ya, though. Seriously, was all that bullshit really necessary?"

Kisuke deflated, dipping his head in a bow by way of apology, "I suppose." He lifted his head, brightening just as quickly, "But hey!~ Look on the bright side. You have an opponent all ready for you to vent any excess frustrations on!" Seeing the newly-made Shinigami's eyes narrow, he allowed a smirk to run across his lips, "Ah, I take it you can sense our little town's latest visitor, hm."

Kuwabara seemingly stared off into nothing with his straight-faced pensive look directed to the ceiling, "Yeah, feels like a hollow," The innate gift to single out the life forces of other entities he was blessed with since birth only grew stronger since awakening his Shinigami powers. The ability to distinguish between species was something new to his emerged form. The most he could do before was ascertain whether the entity he was sensing was friendly or hostile. It was the only reason why he had survived all this time being so spiritually aware of the entities of the spiritual world.

Whenever he felt such a massive surge of hostile energy he would make himself scarce, counting himself lucky that the hollows lacked any real senses outside of animistic to hunt him down like a small animal.

"Shit."

The face of perfect ignorance Kisuke brandished upon his face with a couple of expertly timed blank blinks could've nailed him a high-paying role of an actor, "What is it, Mr Kuwabara?"

Kuwabara grunted, "Feels like it's hunting two guys. One's a Shinigami and the other," He tensed, face crinkling up, "-Feels like a human." It was very easy to make the distinction between a regular human and a Shingami or even spiritual combatant. The difference in power was like night and day, like comparing an elephant and an ant. The sheer escalation in power a Shinigami had over a human was oceanic.

The size of a plain-old human's reserves were like that of a puddle at best to a spiritual combatant's reservoir.

"What will you do?" His guide to the Shinigami side of power searched his face with an expression of crafted innocent curiosity.

"No choice," Kuwabara shook his head, "Can't just leave the guys to get eaten." He lowered his sword in front of his face, staring into the kanji ridden blade as the uninscribed side reflected the solemn resolve in his eyes, "That would be lousy, not something a man of honour would ever think of doing just to save his own neck." He had to be willing to pave the way to get across his definition of an honourable warrior when he preached about it twenty-four seven.

Kisuke slightly dipped his head, for once not even hiding a genuine smile that crept across his lips, "That's very noble of you, Mr Kuwabara. I can tell you'll grow to be a very good man if you hold true to your ethics."

"Thanks," He mumbled out, sheathing his Zanpakuto, "Besides, someone's gotta. Doubt you're gonna."

Kisuke flailed his hands about sheepishly, "Oh, well. You see about that, I'm not much of a fighter," He whipped out his fan, covering his wide cheeky grin, "I'm afraid I fit more into the stereotype of being a lover as opposed to being a fighter."

"Figured as much," Kisuke didn't feel much stronger than an average joe. Peak human at best which was most likely the reason Kuwabara didn't make good on his threat to cut him to ribbons for trolling him and Naruto. Beating up the weak was never his idea to validate his own strength. He just wanted to get his point across with his earlier roughing up of the store owner, "Well, I'm gone." He turned, missing the silent sigh of relief from the apparent non-descript spiritualist.

"Oh, one more thing," Kisuke held his breath, steadily meeting Kuwabara's final grim glance, "If Uzumaki starts turning into a hollow, I want ya to pull him out, even if he bitches. Just don't let him turn into a monster."

"Your concern for your friend is actually very touching."

"W-What-! No!" Kuwabara fumbled, loathing the subsequent teasing grin that spread across Kisuke's face to his embarrassment, folding his arms and turning away from it, "I-I… just, I don't want him to die!" He forced out, trying desperately to gather words that would avoid making him look soft, "He has people that care for him. Our teacher, his caretakers, his girls."

The bucket-shaped hat clad man gave a rueful shake of the head to no one in particular, offering his young charge a comforting smile, summarizing his collective thoughts of Kuwabara's explicit reluctance to admit his solidarity with Naruto, 'Boys will be boys,' Wholly unable to get in touch with their softer side in fear of being seen as unmanly, feminine and weak.

Kuwabara cared for Naruto. This much was evident to Kisuke through viewing their interactions, bantering with no real malice behind their words, but in the way two brothers do to determine who reigned supreme between the two. His grief to Naruto's supposed death was as genuine as they came until he attempted to masquerade it with a triumph demeanour.

Kisuke once again tilted his head low, edging his hat over his eyes to hide his widening smile. They would clearly grow up to be very close.

"I hear you," Kisuke assured, earning himself a thankful nod from the tall teen, "But I'm afraid it'll be out of my hands if the hollowifcation begins."

Kuwabara's eyes bulged fearfully, "Then… there's no way to save 'im if he starts turning into a hollow?"

"Not necessarily," Kisuke answered, leaving Kuwabara puzzled, "We would be unable to assist Mr Uzumaki any further if the Hollow metamorphosis were to begin, yes, but that same rule doesn't apply to himself. In other words, from that point onward his life will be in his own hands."

"Okay," The newly awakened Shinigami scratched at his scalp, "How will he do that though?"

"Ah, that's actually quite simple and something that would be up both your alleys if my lovely assistant's assessment of you two is anything to be believed," He grinned cheesily, "You see, whether the hollowifcation will be able to be completed depends entirely on the will of the applicant."

The hopeful gaze of his unofficial protégée could've lit up the vastness of the night with their realization, "You mean-?"

Kisuke smirked, "That's right!~ If Mr Uzumaki is determined enough he can still reach his inner world, thereby disrupting the Hollowification process."

"Yes!" Kuwabara pumped his fists, knocking Kisuke into a stupor, "He's gonna make it after all!"

"Well, my, you seem awfully assure Mr Uzumaki'll be able to overcome the hollowification should it come to pass."

"Of course!" Kuwabara didn't it let deter his momentum, "No one has more determination than Uzumaki!"

"Really?" Kisuke probed for clarification, eliciting a nod from Kuwabara, 'Interesting.' He was led to believe the two boys fought tooth-and-nail for superiority, refusing to acknowledge the other as their better in any given regard. For Kuwabara to essentially admit Naruto was more determined than him, well…

Kisuke was closer than he thought in his assessment of their unannounced friendship.

"Well," Kuwabara's gruff voice, laced with uncertainty of his confession, broke Kisuke from his musing; the store owner glancing up to find the tall teen sheathing his new weapon, "I'm gone. Those guys ain't gonna save themselves."

"Good luck," He pressed his palm upon his hat, hiding his serene smile, "May all go well, Mr Kuwabara," Kuwabara accepted the goodwill with a firm nod, pivoting on his heel and steeling his nerves for a hard-fought battle he knew was to come before marching out of view determinedly, Kisuke's smile vanishing not long after his departure, "It's finally time. Let's begin preparations."

Another door creaked open, allowing entry to Jinta's annoyed mask hidden by a pretense of nonchalance, "Man, I can't believe that guy actually did it."

"Yes, I was pleasantly surprised myself by Master Kuwabara's emergence," Tessai added, sympathizing with his young charge as he ushered him and Ururu before Kisuke, "Considering neither of you has succeeded where he has for all the years you have been under our care."

Jinta turned his pouty cheek away, "Sheesh! Don't remind me."

"Alright," Kisuke, his boss, reaching out to them in a tone devoid of his usual joviality snapped his gaze back to him, "Do you recall what we discussed pertaining to Mr Uzumaki's ascendance?" They all nodded, though Ururu's and Jinta's were tentative, gazes askance, "Good, then let's prepare a barrier to contain his reiatsu. We don't want our 'friends' in Soul Society getting wind of our new ally."

xXx

Jesus Never Dies

 **C**

 **H**

 **A**

 **P**

 **T**

 **E**

 **R**

 **FIVE**

xXx

Beauty and the Horny Beast

Hearts pounding frantically, audibly, against their chests, the two dived for cover amidst an abandoned warehouse, desperately trying to steady their breathing lest they create enough noise to tip off their predator on the hunt for them.

'This is nuts!' Ichigo mused, teeth gnashed, face soaked in sweat. He grunted, squeezing his eyes shut from the voluminous stomps of their tormentor hammering their way, 'He's just toying with us!'

Rukia herself wasn't holding up any better than Ichigo, though she was, but only by a slim margin and only because of her early training in the arts of hollow slaying and overall experience. Even still, though. Said experience almost counted for nothing in the drained state she was currently in.

'This is my fault,' She self-reflected, staring at the flat of her palm with a near hollow gaze in her purple eyes, 'If I was not so foolish Ichigo would not have been pulled into this,' She clenched her fist so tightly the piercing of her skin could be heard as she fastened her eyelids shut.

Dwelling on what ifs and should haves would not change the outcome of her already costly decision making. She had learned that from her superiors during training. The only option left was to look to make amends in the near future for the mistakes she had made.

"You have to run, Ichigo," She caught his stunned look, holding it firm with a solemn glance of unwavering resolve, "It should be within what little power I still contain to buy you enough time to distance yourself from this hollow."

"What? Are you nuts?" Ichigo returned, "There's no way you can hold this thing off!"

"I am explicitly aware the difference in strength is not in my favour," She explained, both eloquently and steadily, pushing Ichigo further to the edge of anxiety, "However, as you are currently, you will not have even a sliver of a chance of overcoming him."

Ichigo gulped down a considerable lump of grudging realization. All she explained, in grim formality, held a great measure of truth. From a pragmatic outlook only one of them had an opportunity to escape if the other lingered behind to ward off the mammoth hollow's powerful attacks and speedy pursuit, but despite that, despite knowing his only chance for survival lied in the abandonment of another, it made Ichigo's stomach churn.

"Not a chance!" He denied, steely resolve in his hazel gaze widening Rukia's.

"But Ichigo-!" Her attempts of persuasion were dismissed by Ichigo's firm tone.

"I said no!" He decided, shooting her an accusatory glare prompting a gasp to escape her mouth, "Do you really think I could live with myself knowing I escaped at the cost of you?!"

"Ichigo," She breathed out lowly, though Ichigo remained unwavered despite the softening of her tone. She searched his gaze, hoping to find any stutters, before whisking her view from his and to her knees, the bangs of her longish raven hair shadowing her eyes, "You cannot beat this hollow, Ichigo. Do not throw away your life for my sake."

"Like how you almost threw yours away for mine?" She whipped her gaze back to Ichigo's solemn glance like they were magnetic poles, beautiful hair flying across her stunned face, "You saved me and my family when no one asked you too, Rukia."

Their silent moment of understanding appreciation was swiftly shoved aside into the backburner by the shattering fragments of rocks flying directly by their sides. They cringed, heads snapping and meeting sinister tunnelled yellow orbs, lips curling to a playful extent.

" **Shiniiiiiiiii~ gamiiiiiii!~** " Bobomaru echoed with a longing, sing-song drawl, absolutely eating up every feature of the two's decidedly petrified expressions, from their wide, trembling eyes, to their gnashed teeth/gaping mouth, and their frozen postures of near resigned realization of knowing just how royally fucked they were, " **I~ found~ you!~** "

Ichigo fought against the irresistible urge to pick up Rukia and run knowing they wouldn't cover the distance necessary to escape Bobomaru's range of awareness. He had the sneaking suspicion their decoy of Rukia blowing smoke in his face so they could hide themselves from him only worked because he allowed it to. Given his near instantaneous teleportation-like speed it wouldn't have surprised him.

Running would've only been delaying the inevitable and he knew it. He willed his shaking palm to steady trembles, hauling his large broadsword with all his might directly to the powerful hollow's head, eyes widening in horrified shock when it landed squarely in between Bobomaru's large fingers.

" **Ah!~ Been a while since I felt this**!" 'This' Ichigo was spectating was the steam billowing forth from his occupied hand. He oozed pleasure in spite of his palm essentially burning, " **Ahh! That's the shit!** "

'Purification resistance!' Rukia mused in realization, 'It is worse than I perceived.'

From that point onward, her worse fears since learning of the behemoth hollow's presence in Karakura Town materialized before her terrified eyes. He tilted way back on the balls of his heels, dragging a helpless Ichigo with him by the very blade the young Shinigami wielded, before beginning numerous 360 spins, sending his prey on the worst roller-coaster spin of his life.

Bobomaru had picked up so much pace Ichigo could no longer make out details, such as the walls, the ground, his Zanpakuto, Rukia and even his opponent who was twisting him around.

They were all little more than blurs to his thoroughly disoriented vision as his robes flapped in the fabricated winds of his forced three-hundred and sixty spins.

'Shit!' He panicked, struggling heavily to maintain his vice-lock like grip on the halt of his Zanpakuto, feeling his hand slipping from the ferocity of Bobomaru's hauls. Fortunately, he outlasted the torturous period, by unfortunately and painfully being dashed like a boomerang across the abandoned warehouse, Zanpakuto and all, not even once touching the concrete ground to bounce across like a pebble.

The momentum from Bobomaru's throw was so vast it carried Ichigo from one end of the building, to the other in a potent straight line shrouded in air pressure, smashing through the wall itself.

"Ichigo!" Rukia yelled out in concern, gasping in fright when the towering hollow's massive shadow eclipsed her petite frame, "No."

" **Oh yeah**." The panic in Rukia's eyes deepened at how husky the hollow sounded, as though he found her sexually appealing. Sadly for her, his wandering eyes roaming every inch of her small, but curvaceous frame told her she was right in her unwanted observation, " **You know?** " He started, taking a purposely slow step forward, getting his prey to stumble back, " **I still have my memories from when I was human. In other words, I'm still myself**."

"So I assume you were a monster in life as you are now," Rukia snarked in bravado, a bead of sweat racing down her porcelain cheek. Seeing that sweat dripping off her delicate face filled the hollow's bizarre erection as he grinned hungrily, forwarding his aggressive approach and once more prompting Rukia to stumble away, only to get snagged at the waist by the bear's clawed palms, 'No!'

" **Heh-heh-heh. That's more accurate than you know, babe** ," She squirmed to free herself from his mighty hold in vain, only proceeding to increase his erection due to how cute she looked wiggling against his muscular built.

Bobomaru lifted Rukia up, pinning her firmly against the wall, fastening her creamy knees to his wide, thick hips, groping her skinny, slender legs with his thumbs as her panic renewed a hundred folds, " **So soft**."

"No," Rukia trembled, doing all she could to bridge even just a small gap between herself and the monstrous beast looking to force himself upon her, only weakly managing to push her slender arms against his chest and turn her cheek away from his hideous breath, "This cannot be." She was about to be raped by a hollow, the very fiend her kind were trained to dispatch.

It didn't get any more humiliating than that.

The hall of shame wouldn't be topped for centuries to pass, if it ever could.

'Brothers,' A resigned crestfallen expression of melancholy saddened Rukia's eyes while Bobomaru greedily licked her face, 'Please, forgive me. I have failed you.' She could feel Bobomaru's clawed hand tracing up the length of her small leg, near her skirt and her heart stopped, eyes being drained of life.

This was her punishment for taking a regular hollow Ichigo had to defeat lightly and she would accept it without resistance, though it wasn't like she could even if she wanted to.

Just then, without warning, the mammoth hollow dropped one arm from one of her legs, turning so swiftly a cat would've turned green with envy at the reflexes and flicked his massive tree branch of a beefy arm outward, sending a lanky, broad-shouldered dual-wielded Shinigami flying from him with the slightest of ease.

" **Huh**?" He wondered, " **The hell? Can't you see I'm busy, dipshit**?"

Rukia tentatively looked past her captor's broad shoulder to see a ginger-coloured Shinigami-garbed young man with one of the unusual hairstyles she had ever laid eyes on, 'A Shinigami,' She realized through glassy eyes, uncertainty filling them moments after, 'Have I been discovered… so soon?'

"Damn," Kuwabara cursed hoarsely, stabbing the red-hilted Zanpakuto into the ground to use as leverage to pull himself to one knee, "Thought for sure that would work." He didn't particularly like using such underhanded tactics like sneaking up on someone to get the drop on them, but in this case, he figured he had to swallow his pride to take the morally right and just action.

As much as it physically pained him to resort to such cowardly tactics, his code of honour came first.

He picked himself up, grunting in the effort of the endeavour, and groused, slamming a palm onto his thoroughly throbbing head, "Darn! My head's swimming," He carefully removed his hand, eyeing the seemingly circling ground beneath his disoriented vision, "Shit… All it took was one stinking punch to mess me up," He looked forward, lips curling to a grimace to the delusion of two sets of the hollow and molested girl in his grasp, 'This is bad.' The girl's sudden shrieks of desperation caused him to widen his eyes, "This is so bad!" Squinting his eyes in a bid to stabilize his wobbly vision, Kuwabara found the hollow dunking his head atop the girl's small bosom, rubbing near frantically in their walls as if to clean them, "Get away from her!"

He surged forward, hand reaching for his other Zanpakuto, 'Never used two swords before.' He only took up the art of sword when he quickly became to realize his hand-to-hand skills just paled in comparison to the natural skill of Naruto's and practiced routinely to perfect his kendo swordsmanship when he discovered how at ease he felt with his sword in his hand, like he was born to be a swordsman.

Must have been his Shinigami heritage calling out to him.

Bobomaru groaned when he felt the same presence of the annoying wannabe white knight closing in on him quickly, " **I said FUCK OFF, dipshit! I'm busy,"** He turned once more, movements slick and crisp like a mouse user in a first-person shooter game, but this time, as he shot out his massive elbow, the white knight ducked underneath his blow, stabbing one of his swords into the cement flooring before using it as a springboard to soar to the heavens, " **Eh?** "

Self-preservation struck the mammoth hollow like a chord at the sight of the ginger warrior descending toward him at breakneck speed, second sword readied over his head poised to strike him in the one universal weak point of all hollows regardless of their strength levels, " **Shit!** " He chose the better safe than sorry route, blinking away as if he had warped out of existence with a noisy boom, consequently freeing his target.

Kuwabara took full advantage of the invitation his inventive, fly-by-the-pants, tactic had opened when he landed from his fall, quickly sheathing his utilized blade before prying the other one from its temporary resting place in the ground, using his other arm to scoop the freed girl up in his arm and distancing themselves from her near raped spot in one gigantic leap.

"Hey, are you alright?" He asked carefully, gently setting her down on her knees, knowing it was a rhetorical question. She looked anything but okay. She was terribly pale from her close shave with trauma and her breathing was all over the place, frantic and ragged as her small chest rose up and down with the deep inhales she took to slow her heart rate.

"Yes," She said anyway, still on her hands and knees. Balking, Rukia hesitatingly met the young Shinigami's eyes, "Are you here from Soul Society to retrieve me?"

"Nah. Name's Kazuma Kuwabara, but never mind that!" Kuwabara shook off the urge to woo the pretty girl with one of the heroic speeches, because there were more pressing issues at hand than Kuwabara's desire for a girlfriend, "You need to leave before that ho-."

 _Boom._

As if a jackhammer had been driven into his skull, Kuwabara felt a crushing blow smashing against his forehead, sending him cannoning away from the girl as his vision tumbled in frantic rolls like a washing machine, "Ugh!"

"Kazuma!" Rukia yelled out in concern. She was still entirely unsure of his whereabouts or if he was even telling the truth about his wellbeing there having no relation to the Soul Society. She just knew he had tried to protect her from being raped by a foe he had to know he was no match for. Not showing any concern for someone actively trying to save her from being traumatized would make her heartless, though as worried as she was for the selfless boy's wellbeing after his blast off she was infinitely more terrified for her own when the monstrous hollow's shadow eclipsed her body once more.

" **Where were we, babe?** " He asked in that horrifying husky tone that screamed he was looking to force himself upon her, tunnelled orbs tracing every inch of her frame.

She fell back on her rear, desperately pushing herself back while instinctively keeping her knees enclosed at the shins to hide her womanhood, for all the good it did. The horny beast hovered over her, pinning two large palms beside her waist sending the fear of imprisonment resonating through her. She could do nothing other than feebly press her hands upon the behemoth creature's muscular chest.

"Please," She pleaded, softly, tears welling up in the edges of her eyes.

Masked lips found themselves chillingly to her ear, prompting her to stiffen at the frightening breath flowing over her ear and to the base of her neck, " **Don't worry, I'll be _extra_ gentle with ya,**" He assured huskily, pushing her skirt up at the corners, moving his hardened erection to her entrance.

"N-No!"

He groaned enormously. A slight turn of his head allowed the corner of his tunnelled visible void to see the battered state the wannabe white knight was already in. A layer of thick crimson blood caked the entire left side of his face, forcing his eye to a shut to avoid the risk of blindness, and still, he soldered on, limping forward like his arm was broken.

"I won't-!"

"- **Let ya fuck her, yadda, yadda, ya!** " Bobomaru telegraphed dryly, ignoring the samurai teen's awkward cringe to his vulgar statement of lovemaking, " **Look kid, you can barely stand let alone fight. How's about you fuck off and leave us to our thing and I won't kill ya in return? Sound cool?"**

The honourable thriving samurai looked disgusted by the hollow's proposition as though he honestly expected him to accept it. To accept such a dishonourable offer would be going against everything he stood for, **"** FUCK NO!" A resounding _refusal_ was all the fiendish creature was getting from him, "I would _rather_ die, you asshole!" He charged forward, ignoring the aggravation of his freshly bruised flesh.

Bobomaru sighed, " **I tried at least,** " He said, his form along with Rukia's bursting from sight like an air bubble suddenly being popped the instance the enraged Samaritan appeared before him with a mighty swing. The ginger head didn't even get the chance to search for him before he reappeared right atop his form, pressing his giant feet unforgivingly into the broad-shouldered youth's shoulders, burying him through several layers of concrete shattered flooring; all with Rukia strangled in his arms like a smothered wife cuddled possessively by her deranged husband.

"Arghhhhhhhhhh!" The flattened warrior of honour released a loud, strangled cry of sheer agony.

" **Don't say I didn't warn ya.** "

"Kazuma!" Rukia cried, unable to even so much as wiggle her arms in the hollow's suffocating hold, "Forget about me! Run! Do not throw away your life for my sake! Go!"

" **Well, you heard the little lady,** " Bobomaru said in a casual fashion. Even in his pancaked form it occurred to the flattened newly made Shinigami just how surprisingly merciful the hollow was being in a twisted sense as he stepped off of him, wiping his feet upon his ginger crown before heeling his face, " **We'll just be on our way.** "

He folded his prey inward as if she was a briefcase, his calloused palm sliding over her smooth, small butt cheeks so it could flick a small space ahead of it. Just as he was about to open the getaway leading to his world to have his way with Rukia, it felt nails digging deep into his hardened skin, or at least trying to.

" **For the love of Vasto Lorde-!"**

"I won't let ya take he-."

" **FUCK OFF ALREADY!** " Bobomaru raged, throwing Rukia upward. The following moments of Rukia's forced flight would see the furious hollow tussle Kuwabara's grip from his ankle, pent him in the stomach with enough kinetic force to send him flying even further than Rukia, basically teleport beside him to begin unleashing a nigh unrelenting barrage of heavy left and right hooks upon him and set him up for a signature wrestling move. Each blow was the impactful equivalent to the power of a wrecking ball, knocking sweat and blood from the opened lacerations on his visage.

Kuwabara was given the hands-on approach of "knocked senseless" as the bear-typed hollow slammed into him like a frustrated boxer beating on a helpless boxing bag. He vaguely felt himself being positioned over the broad-shoulders of the behemoth creature in the distinguishable set-up of a power-bomb.

" **Gahhhhhh!** " A vicious war-cry shook the surrounding walls, as if prepping them for the gigantic explosive shockwave the speared body of the flattened boy produced. From all sides, the walls burst apart, detonating into crumbling pebbles of dirt that was blown away in the winds of the explosive downward driven press. A once abandoned warehouse was reduced to a ruined clearance of upheaved earth and pillars of stone protruding from the devastated ground.

"Ahh…" Kuwabara moaned in an utterly dazed manner, barely feeling his own legs tossed aside by his tormentor, "…F..uck."

" **Serves ya right, dipshit,** " Bobomaru scoffed, splitting out a string of saliva from his mouth in visible contempt for the adamantly honourable warrior, " **When someone's offering ya an out, you TAKE it!** " He emphasized his annoyance with his opponent's stubborn refusal to back down with a kick in his already damaged ribs, drawing a tired groan from him, " ** _God_! It's like you idiots cave death or something! Playing diehard is for retards! What don't you understand about that!** "

And on that note, another fierce war-cry of stubborn tenacity _thundered_ across the battlefield as if looking to disprove the hollow's ideology, accompanied by the sounds of sprinting feet thudding noisily off of the ruined ground.

" **Apparently nothing!** " Releasing a dreary sigh, he wheeled around neatly, slamming a nasty elbow against the nostrils of the brightly orange-haired Shinigami charging headfirst back into the fray, sending him pinwheeling from him; his head hammering off of the rocky surface before his momentum faded, this time only a few feet from the hollow instead of across town, " **So pleased you could join us again, tangerine-head.** "

"Damn it!" Ichigo cursed, lamenting his lack of speed or innate ninja skills to surprise the hollow, feeling terribly disoriented. He pushed himself up with his arms, his surroundings spinning like magical teapots in a funfair ride in his vision, 'Shit!' He snapped a palm to his forehead. Even in his thoroughly dazed condition, he was still able to make out one crucial missing detail in the devastated picture of a similarly aged teen and his tormentor, "Wait! Where's Rukia?!" He turned a threatening, dizzying gaze to the hulking hollow deadpanning at him, "You bastard! If you've hurt her-!"

Right on cue; an unmistakeable girlish accent echoed with a long, drawn-out scream from a high altitude. With a startling flinch, Ichigo followed his companion's loud shout of desperation, lifting his head skyward, "…Shit!" He hissed, paling at the sight of the slender girl falling from an immeasurable height; a height Ichigo could only compare to that of a skyscraper, 'She's a goner if she lands at that momentum,' Teeth skid to a screeching grit at the grim fate of the girl who saved not only him, but his family too. Feeling indebted to the falling angel, he couldn't let her die, but his body just wouldn't obey his commands, no matter how much he tried to force it. The most he could amount to was a pitiful limp as if he was walking with a cane.

"Rukia!"

Be it fortune or misfortune, he wouldn't have to worry about catching her, or at the very least cushioning the girl's fall, " **Ah, there's my girl,** " Bobomaru announced, a sickly sweet grin curling across his lips.

Ichigo's hazel eyes widened to the beast's reference to Rukia, as if she was his girlfriend, "What!?" He watched the falling girl land squarely in the readied arms of the beast like a fluttered angel in frightening horror, instinctively wrapping her slender arms around his neck. Naturally, when she realized who exactly had "saved" her, she withdrew her arms, shielding her bosom with them, "What the hell…?"

"He…" A painful struggle of words drew Ichigo's attention to Bobomaru's recent punching bag, eyes bulging out of his head to see him pulling himself to his feet using one of his katanas.

'Holy shit! He's not dead from that!' He had witnessed the destruction of the warehouse they started in. At first, it terrified him, assuming Rukia to be on the end of the impressive display of power, but when he found an unfamiliar teen laid out at the hollow's feet his heart simmered slightly in relief. It was a lot easier dismissing the death of someone you didn't know as opposed to someone you do, 'He's tougher than he looks.'

'This guy!' Kuwabara wheezed, hurling his sword forward in a pointed finger gesture to Bobomaru's look of annoyance, "Wants to rape her!"

"NANI!? (WHAT!?)" Ichigo paled. He didn't know why, but something vaguely reminiscent of horrified curiosity complied him to glimpse at the space in between the beast's legs, hoping above all else that the monstrous spirit of the dead didn't have the acquire shaft of man needed to forcefully penetrate a woman against her will. It was there that he found _it;_ "it" being the only viable word he could use to describe the hideous lump of meat protruding from his crotch. It was the equivalent to an overgrown sausage, 'He wants to stick that, that… _thing_ inside of her!?'

He was naturally and entirely inexperienced in the ways of love-making and definitely rape, but he was fairly certain a woman of Rukia's size would not be able to take a member of that gigantic size. He had learned as much in school and from his childhood friend Tatsuki.

"Y-You monster!" He shifted a shaky, contemptuous glare to the vile creature holding his companion tight in his bulky arms, "I won't let ya-!"

He fastened his mouth shut when Rukia whirled her head past the behemoth creature's arm to look at him. Both the pleas of her gaze and of her words were entirely at odds with one another, "You have to run, Ichigo!" She said, and yet, her expression pleaded to be saved.

"Rukia…"

"Heh! Fat chance!" The battered ginger nut blew that off, drawing a startled look of surprise from the carrot top, "As if that's gonna happen! I could never forgive myself if I were to leave anyone to such a… fate," He choked out uncomfortably, "This ain't about being a white knight or anything. This is simply about standing up for what I believe in!"

'This guy,' Ichigo stared in disbelieving awe at the limping samurai of stubborn determination. Battered and bruised without ever having even so much as scratched their opponent and still he preserved to hold true to his moral code. It was pretty awe-inspiring. He caught Rukia also gawking at Kuwabara's methodical shining aura of good-natured intent. This wasn't about greed – being offered a reward for her safety – It was about upholding his own self-pride.

A smirk curled Ichigo's lips, "You're right," He agreed, "It would be pretty lame to leave anyone at the mercy of this guy."

"That's right!"

" **Man, you guys are really tryhards, huh?** " Bobomaru sighed.

"If by "tryhards" you mean not total frickin' scumbags, then yeah, we're so tryhards!" Ichigo quipped with a biting tone. Kuwabara kept his determined stare levelled and composed, giving a stiff nod of agreement to his fellow teenager.

" **Okay,** " Bobomaru exhaled deeply, seemingly relinquishing his attempt to persuade the two to abandon all hope of beating him. For what reason, they couldn't say. Human characteristics or not Bobomaru had still been a malicious asshole. The idea of an unmerciful beast opting to take mercy and leave them be with the one they were trying to defend seemed utterly ludicrous. For that to happen would make history as the mother of all heel-face-turns.

They eyed him askance as Ichigo voiced their suspicious enquiry, "What do you mean?"

" **You wanna save the little foxy babe in my arms, right?** " He answered with a question. Both of their eyes shot up with floored surprise; their mind questioning was this really happening. The short answer was, no, not entirely anyway, " **I'll give ya a chance. If you can cut me in the next five minutes, I'll leave, without her.** "

"Okay," Kuwabara said, profoundly slumped, "Why though?"

" **Meh,** " A toss of the hollow's shoulders provided an ambiguous answer, " **No reason in particular, I'm just bored. You piss-ants look like you can provide me with entertainment. So come now, entertain me, kids.** "

The hairs on the back of each recently emerged junior Shinigami bristled in subconscious fury. They spared a small moment – no more than two seconds – to ascertain they were on the same wavelengths with a solemn gaze to the other. The phrasing of the douchebag hollow's motivations was as crystal as the day itself. He didn't see them as a threat whatsoever. To him, he could play with two canon-fodders and still be in no real legitimate danger of perishing.

Their pride was kicked where it hurt the most.

"You bastard!" Ichigo shivered in anger, "Do you really think we're that weak!?"

" **Duh!** " Bobomaru hollered shamelessly, " **Why do you think I'm even offering you pathetic bitches this chance to begin with? To be nice?** " He roared with vicious laughter, " **Fuck no. I've got this in the bag. You kids might as well run along home to your mommies. You have no chance against the likes of me.** " He let his taunt sink in, relishing in the offended glares the two sent him, " **I'm sure you don't need me to point out what'll happen if you don't cut me in five minutes, so let's just get to it, shall we gentlemen?** **But first!** " The air distorted, giving way to a voluminous boom.

The two flinched.

Bobomaru was nowhere in sight and that meant Rukia wasn't either.

"Rukia-!"

" **Let's just set her out of the way!** " They heard his booming, distortive voice hollering up in the distance. Widening their eyes to proportions they didn't even think were possible, the Shinigami juniors turned blanched looks several feet ahead of them, just outside of the massive crater to find Bobomaru setting Rukia down on her knees, stroking her chin, " **Move from this spot and it's game over. I'll kill them and fuck you right here. Got it?** "

Rukia shuddered, small hands balling up into soft fists reflecting the docile nature her tormentor had forced her in. Seeds of self-hatred sprouted in her stomach at the predicament she was in. It was entirely out of her hands. Her only way of survival lied in the performance of two freshmen. She had become everything she had been trained not to be; a dismal in distress.

It didn't get any more humiliating than that.

She nodded in tearful reluctance, delicately covering her mouth to muffle the sobs of her broken heart. She knew she could never again face either one of her brothers and that single piece of knowledge wounded her even more than the prospect of being deflowered by a hollow.

" **Don't cry, babe,** " Bobomaru murmured, surprisingly gentle. He thumbed her smooth cheek, " **This won't take long.** " The air distorted with another loud sound effect of a stereo set and the devil's incarnate appeared before the two righteous youths once more, " **Sorry to keep ya waiting, boys.** "

'Gosh darn it!' Kuwabara lamented, 'How the hell are we gonna beat this guy? He can fucking move like he's teleporting!' That wasn't even mentioning the sheer destructive power behind his mere punches alone, rivalling the force of a TNT. The situation was beyond dire. Stakes were high and their task was seemingly impossible. In spite of the ultra-hard difficulty, Kuwabara wasn't about to throw in the towel now, turn tail and bolt for the hills. He _had_ to hold true to his beliefs, to show the world the Kuwabara family were honourable.

Fleeing while the chance was presented would've made him no better than _that man_ and there was the last thing Kuwabara wanted. Even if this challenge killed him, which it likely would given the difference in power – Kuwabara was seeing this through; all to distance himself from him and to restore his good family's name.

Seeing similar resolve in his unlikely companion's eyes, Kuwabara gained respect for the carrot top Shinigami.

After all, if they didn't stop the horny beast Rukia would surely be raped.

* * *

 **Phew. Got this out on my 26th birthday, yo. Doesn't feel like it though. Once you get past 18 your birth _day_ feels like just that; just another day. No one really gives a shit like they did when you were a kid, getting you nice things and all that. You're an adult so you get your own shit. It's just one of them ones really.**

 **But yeah! Here's another chapter. Slipping into AU territory, but for those of you who may have read the original or even just the telling signs of the world I was building, you could've probably guessed I was always going to go that route. Hell, I've already introduced Yoh Asakura as this world's Spirit King, so yh. xD. Rukia's other "brother" will be one more character from YuYu Hakusho and that'll be that on the YuYu Hakusho-lending.**

 **Take care.**


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